The world tilted on its axis. Beth placed the mug on the table with a shaking hand.
Kieran gave a small, breathless laugh. ‘Yeah, I know. Shocks me, too.’
Beth stuck her fingers in her ears like a child.Like a child.
Her body made the decision before her mind. Carefully, she tiptoed into the hallway. Found her jacket, slipped out.
On the street, she fought back tears. For what she’d already lost. For what might have been.
She waited for a whispered word of comfort from Gigi.
Silence.
Courage.Well, she’d shown a distinct lack of it there. Instead of staying and confronting Kieran, she’d once again bolted like a startled horse.
Stumbling towards the pub, she remembered a ceramic heart Diana had given her one birthday. It had hung in Bilberry Cottage once: now it was probably lost.
‘Courage is the small, stubborn light inside you that whispersnot yetwhen the world saysenough.’
‘Not ever,’ Beth muttered, and flung up her head. Much as she wanted to throw herself onto her bed and howl like a banshee, she had work to do.
She glowered at the pinball machine, ignored the customers and stomped into the kitchen.
She was reorganising the cutlery drawer for the umpteenth time when Kieran appeared. She kept her head down. Rose, who’d been making a bechamel sauce, slunk off.
‘Are you OK?’ Kieran asked gently.
‘Fine.’ She tossed a pile of forks into their compartment with a satisfying clatter.
He stepped forward, grabbed spoons and mimicked Beth’s action. ‘You took off without saying goodbye. And I had cherry cheesecake for dessert. Which I also made myself, with a little help from Nigella.’
‘Nigella Lawson works for you, does she? Impressive.’ She hated her snarky tone. Hated how her heart pounded when Kieran was inches away.
‘Gordon Ramsay turned me down. Beth, look at me, please.’
Beth looked at him. Silence stretched between them. She felt sick, stomach churning, mince and tatties threatening to make a reappearance.
He shifted closer. Not touching. ‘Did I … do something?’
Beth swallowed. The drawer slid shut with a soft, final click. ‘No.’
A big, fat lie.
Kieran watched her for a long moment. Beth kept her gaze steady, unblinking. She wouldn’t cry.Courage.
‘Right,’ he said eventually, his voice gentle but confused. ‘I’ll … get out of your way.’
She heard his footsteps leave the kitchen. Her breath shuddered out, leaving her feeling hollow inside.
That night, alone in her room, Beth lay staring at the ceiling.
Kids. A proper life. A family.
She curled up, fists tucked under her chin. ‘But I can’t give you that,’ she whispered into her pillow. ‘Maybe you need to find someone who can. I’m so sorry.’
Downstairs, deep inside the pinball machine, something stirred.
But Beth didn’t hear it. She heard nothing but the sound of her own sobs filling the room.
