He shone his many-megawatt smile at Lamar and gave him a little wave. Then he plucked the toothpick out of his teeth and flicked it aside, his eyes narrowing slightly as they landed on me. He pushed off the wall and sauntered toward me. “Johnny O’Reilly. What a pleasure meeting you again on such a fine summer day.”
If our first-ever meeting didn’t result in a bar brawl—over my ex-wife, Amber—that ended with Dylan Cope punching my lights out, I might actually believe him. Since Connor was Dylan’s bodyguard though, and I’d just called Dylan to ask him where I might find his lovely wife for a quick chat, I knew exactly why the man was here.
Shoulda probably been a little more suspicious when Dylan gave me the address to his wife’s photo studio without the slightest concern.
“Connor, right?” I extended my hand. “Dylan told me I’d find Amber here.”
He shook it, squeezing so hard my bones ground together.Jesus.
“You might. What do you want to find her for?” He asked with a jovial smile that told me he’d snap my spine if he didn’t like my answer. The man had a certain delivery, that was for sure. The fact that I was tight with Lex and he and Lex were club brothers didn’t seem to have much currency with him. Not for me.
“I’d say that’s between a man and his ex-wife.”
“The way I heard it,” he said, the pleasantry only slipping a notch, “you were married for, what, two weeks, followed by an annulment? ‘Ex-wife’ suggests a relationship that you barely had.”
“That may be so. But she’s an adult. Maybe you can ask her if she’d like to let me in or not.”
He held eye contact with me for way the fuck longer than two heterosexual men should ever hold eye contact. Then his smile widened. “Let’s do that.” He turned, knocked on the regular door next to the large rolling door, then opened it and leaned in. I heard him say Amber’s name. Then he disappeared inside.
I took a deep breath as I waited outside. I felt nervous, and I didn’t often get nervous. Mostly because I usually avoided situations that might make me nervous, like my life depended on it. Feeling anxious or uncomfortable about anything used to be such a powerful, panic-inducing trigger when I was a kid, after the shooting, that I’d somehow learned to avoid feeling pretty much anything.
But talking to Angeline about the shooting had torn a bandage off. It was one of many, but I’d started to feel things in the last few weeks with her that I wasn’t sure I was even capable of feeling anymore. I thought so many emotions were just dead to me. Gone.
Stubborn as I was, I didn’t even believe Rory when he told me that wasn’t the case.
But now I knew. I’d felt so much with Angeline in such a short time, I knew he was right all along. The feelings were just buried, deep inside the fortress, with everything else in me that had been wounded.
I tried to control my breathing and remind myself why I was doing this.
Because it was essential.
I used to only do things that were essential to my survival. Then things that were essential to success in my career.
Now I was focusing on things that were essential in order for me to grow.
Rory was right, about so many things. That boy I was when I was so deeply traumatized would never leave the fortress or even see whatever lay beyond if he didn’t grow into a man.
And being a man meant owning all your shit. Even the worst shit.
I cleared my throat when Amber appeared in the doorway. She squinted out into the daylight.
“Hey,” I said gently. I didn’t want her to be afraid of me. I wasn’t here to hurt her. But for all I knew, the sight of my face was a painful trigger for her. “Sorry to drop in unannounced.”
She looked guarded, for sure, but no surprise, I couldn’t read what she was feeling. “It’s okay. I guess. Dylan said you wanted to stop by.”
Of course he’d called her, too. I knew he would. The fact that she’d answered the door was a good sign though, maybe.
“I just wanted to have a quick talk. It won’t take long.”
“I’ll be here the whole time,” I heard Connor say from where he was looming behind her.
“Okay,” Amber told me. “You can come in.” She stepped back to let me in and Connor shut the door behind me. I followed her into the studio. It wasn’t huge, but it was large enough you could drive a vehicle through the big door. There was a makeup station and storage cabinets along the back. In the middle of the room, a giant roll of white backdrop paper was suspended, unrolled to the floor and across to where she had her lights and camera set up.
Looked like she’d just finished shooting. There was a guy tearing down her equipment.
“Do you want coffee or something?” she said neutrally, turning to me.
“No, thanks.” I took a good look at her. My ex-wife, because that’s what she was. Connor’s opinion aside, thinking of her as anything else would be disrespectful to her. It would dismiss the vows she’d made to me, and even though I’d broken them and ended the brief marriage, she’d meant those vows.
