They included a card that Danica had obviously filled out herself. In a pretty, feminine hand, it said:Love, Ashley and Danica.
Which also fucked with my head.
Love.
It was just a word. It was just a Christmas card.
She probably signed every card they gave out like that.
And I kept evading Ash’s calls.
I needed to put some distance between us and cool this thing that had been smoldering in my blood ever since that night we first kissed.
But I wouldn’t have long to cool off; we were now in a band together.
Two bands, actually.
I was going on tour with Dirty for the next five-and-a-half months, and for two-and-a-half of those months, Ash and Danica would be there. I’d have to get used to them being around. Being married. And being unavailable to me.
And I’d have to do it quick.
I didn’t need anyone, least of all Ashley or Danica, picking up on the fact that I was into them.
At least I managed to drop off a decent Christmas gift to Xander and Courteney, and to Summer and her fiancé, Ronan. So if they all compared notes, maybe Ash wouldn’t come to the obvious conclusion that I was carrying a sad torch for him and his wife.
I definitely wouldn’t be telling anyone what they gave me for Christmas. Especially after I saw the hoodie they gave Xander. It was a nice hoodie.
It wasn’t a travel bag loaded with hand-chosen gifts.
I didn’t see Ash and Danica again until the New Year, the day we headed back out on the road with Dirty.
Meanwhile, I’d become pretty comfortable over in no man’s land—or maybe just numb?—thanks to the festive party season.
And a reminder to myself that while I was getting drunk and fucking a stranger on New Year’s Eve, the newlyweds were on their honeymoon. Together.
ChapterTwo
Matt
As it turned out, no man’s land was a crowded place.
While Ash and Danica and I were on the Dirty tour together, I spent more time with them than with anyone else.
I hung out with them backstage and at parties. I sat with them in restaurants and bars. I shared limos and taxis with them. I was rarely alone at any waking moment. And sometimes when I was asleep, I was with them, too.
By the time we were a few weeks in, I was crashing in their hotel room or on their bus after we partied.
Other people did that, too. Parties went late, people got drunk and lazy and crashed out.
I did it every single time I thought I could get away with it, and then some. Sleeping on the couch, on the floor, wherever my body landed; I just stayed right there, like a puppy at the foot of their bed.
They let me.
I saw Ash more than Dirty’s drummer, Dylan, did, and he was supposedly Ash’s best friend. I definitely saw Danica more than her best friend did, since Taylor was back home in Vancouver.
There were many days when I saw more of Ash than Danica did, and some days I even saw more of her than he did. When Ash was busy and I wasn’t, I made it my duty to keep Danica company, look out for her, put a smile on her face. And whenever he and I were busy with the band, you were guaranteed to find me sitting next to him, pouring him a drink, making him laugh.
I really couldn’t help it.
