I thought I saw them looking at me the way I looked at them.
I thought I felt them falling in love with me, too.
Ihoped.
But I wasn’t sure.
They hadn’t said so.
They hadn’t touched me for more than a hug. A pat on the back. A lingering brush of a hand down my arm.
There was the occasional cuddle with Danica—always instigated by her. And those brief kisses after we got tattoos together.
But that was it.
I found Ash alone in their hotel room, packing up. He said Danica had gone shopping for a gift to thank Seth for the guitar lessons, which might have been true, but also sounded like a convenient excuse to give us some time alone. And when he sat me down on the couch, I really wasn’t sure what I thought he was about to say to me. But I definitely wasn’t prepared for what he did say.
“Look, the band is really important,” he started, sitting on the edge of the coffee table in front of me, a careful distance between us. “The Players, I mean. I think we can both agree on that.”
“Sure.”
He held my gaze. “But my marriage is even more important.”
“Of course.”
“So… I figured this would be the time, you know, since we’re leaving now and you’ll be on the road with Dirty for a few more months…”
“Time for what?” I asked, when he faded off. Then I waited.
I waited for him to say it out loud. Admit it to me. Call this whatever it was.
Tell me how he felt about me.
He sighed a little. “Matt, we need to cool this thing between us. Before we go into the studio with the Players.”
I stared at him.
Cool?
What the fuck was he talking about?
Sure, I’d told myself to cool it—but that was months ago. Before I fell in love with them both.
Weren’t we way the fuck past cooling it by now?
“What thing?” I said, deadpan. Was he really trying to pretend thatthis thingwas something we could just set aside, put on ice? “There is no thing.”
“Of course there is.”
“Really?” I pressed. “What thing?” I stared Ash down, waiting, because fucking right I wanted him to say it. I wanted him to name it, to claim it, to make it real.
The way I saw it, only he had that power.
His wife could cuddle me and hold my hand in front of him as much as she wanted to, but I was never gonna make a move on her without his invitation. And I wasn’t gonna make a move on him again without his invitation, either.
By now, he had to know as much.
But he didn’t say anything for a long, long moment. Then he sighed again and said, “Look, Matt. Danica loves big. She loves with her whole heart. And she loves you.”
