“She was.”
“Drinks, baby,” Katie said, deflecting. “I’m thirsty. Please?” She slurped the bottom of her daiquiri and gave him a glowing smile. Predictably, he melted, started digging for his wallet, and gave her another kiss. Actually, three kisses. Then he beckoned to Jude, and all three guys were off, leaving Katie and I alone for a little more girl talk.
When we were clear, Katie leaned on the palm of her hand, eyes wide, riveted. “Tell me. Please.”
“Okay. So this is the whole story. His name is Shane. And he’s Dane’s best friend.”
“Bestfriend?” Katie echoed. “Why didn’t you tell me this?”
“I don’t know. Because the whole thing was so fucking embarrassing? I wanted to keep the rest of my life, you know, separate from my life at that school. I mean, you and the rest of my life where myreallife. Every day when I left school, I just wanted to leave it behind me. I didn’t even want to talk about it.”
“Aw, Devi.” My best friend reached across the table to put her hand on mine and give me a squeeze. “We talked about my drama with Josh all the time. You could’ve talked to me about this.”
“I know. I just… couldn’t.”
“Why?”
“Because you were my safe place. You loved me. You had these sparkles in your eyes when we hung out, and you always told me how amazing I was. Ineededto hear that from you. I didn’t want you to see me the way they saw me.”
“Oh my God, Devi. What are you talking about? I would never—”
“I know. Katie, I know that now. Obviously. But I was just a teenager. What did I know back then?”
She groaned. “Okay. I get it. You’re off the hook. But you better tell me right now. How did you end up going to grad with the devil’s best friend? Did you like him?? You told me you didn’t like him. All you said was he was a hockey player and he was cute but you weren’t into him.”
“That was totally true, I swear. I didn’t like Shane. But I didn’t dislike him, exactly. I didn’t really know him. And I don’t think he really liked me. I mean, he liked every cute girl with a pulse, I’m pretty sure. He was captain of the damn hockey team, Katie. I had no idea why he asked me out. But the worst part was Dane didn’t seem to, either. He gave me attitude the whole night. Like I wasn’t good enough to be there with his best friend or something? Then he cornered me, alone, and kinda warned me not to come to the afterparty they were going to. He asked me if I was sleeping with Shane and stuff like that.”
“You never told me any of this,” Katie said, her eyes all round. “You just said he kissed you out of nowhere and you brushed him off because you didn’t like him.”
“Well, it was kind of out of nowhere. He had me up against the wall in a hallway, alone, and he asked me if I was a virgin, and I was all freaked out and he smelled good, and I wanted to hate him, and I hated myself for not hating him enough, you know? And then he kissed me. I don’t know… it was like he was testing me or something? Checking to see if I was a slut who’d cheat on his friend?”
Katie frowned, but said nothing, so I kept going.
“It was all just weird. He ignored me, like, all year, and then kissed me at grad. Like he had something to prove. Or I did? Maybe he was just pissed that I never gave him the time of day? But he took some other girl to grad anyway. This gorgeous, popular girl with the personality of a blank piece of paper, and if that was the kind of girl he was into, I told myself there was no way he liked me on any level anyway. The kiss wasn’t a real kiss. It wasn’t like he ever askedmeout. Or said anything nice to me, or…” I trailed off.
Katie was gazing at me with sympathy, which was not the reaction I’d expected.
Where was the general loathing and revulsion for the dude in the story I just told her?
“He hurt you,” she said gently, like she’d just put all the clues together and arrived at the fact that I did indeed have a crush on Dane Davenport in high school.
“No, he didn’t. Where the hell is your husband with our drinks?” I looked around. I didn’t even want to talk about this anymore. Not if she was gonna go all sympathy-eyes on me.
I noticed that I barely still had a clear line of sight to Dane’s table through the people at the table next to ours, and it annoyed me.
Even more annoying: the big, soft eyes Katie was giving me when I looked at her again.
I sighed. “Okay. Fine. I wanted to hate him but maybe I really didn’t.” I forced the truth out. “And it pissed me off.”
“Oooooh. Now we’re getting somewhere.”
“Yeah, and you will never tell a soul this truth.”
“Of course I won’t.”
“Look, he was infinitely popular. I was… nobody. I just assumed he would hurt me. I mean, obviously. So I never let him get close enough to do it.”
“And then he kissed you? Devi, maybe he really liked you, and he was spun out because you dated his best friend instead of him.”
