But this was perfect.
Then she sighed and said, kinda sadly, “So… what are we gonna do?”
“I have no fucking idea,” I admitted.
She laughed again. “Damn. I was hoping you’d have a clue. I have none.”
“Whatever we do, though,” I told her, “we’re doing it together. I mean, if that’s what you want.”
“Yes. I want that.”
I smiled at her, slowly.
“I’m never gonna be the nice guy who does the right thing…”
“I don’t think I’d want you if you were that guy. But you’re wrong. Sometimes you do the right thing. When it counts.”
My smile faded. “I hate that this hurts Cary. That he fucking locked himself away over it.”
“I don’t want to hurt him, either. But… he locked himself away long ago, Xander. And that wasn’t your fault.”
I knew that. But I still felt guilty.
“You were the one, of all his friends and family…” she said. “The one who kept coming back. Who tried the longest. Who tried the hardest. Who still comes back and looks out for him.”
“Yeah. Me and you.” I studied her face for a moment as she smiled at me, just fucking loving that smile.
Then I pulled her over to the couch and we sat down.
“Court,” I told her, “I think you need to move out of that house.” I’d been thinking about this all the way back from Cary’s… “I don’t think what we’ve been doing is helping him, and I’m afraid all it’s gonna do is drag you down. You can move in with me, but that’s not what this is about. I’m not telling you to move out of his house so you’ll move in with me. Move back in with your parents if you want to, or move in with one of your friends. And if you want to move in with me, you can. Just get out of that house.”
She stared at me, absorbing all of this. I could see her thinking it through.
I wondered if she would actually consider moving in with me. Or if she’d rather live with one of her friends.
But all she said was, “What about Cary?”
Yeah.Fuck.
What about that?
“I really don’t know,” I admitted. “We could think about maybe trying to convince him to hire another assistant, a real assistant, and take it seriously this time. Someone to just be around, try to keep him from being so damn isolated. Or maybe we could broach therapy with him again, see if there’s someone he should be talking to who could help him better than we can. Maybe we can talk to more of his friends about stopping in to see him. Maybe he needs to be ambushed more, pushed. Maybe he needs to be left alone. I don’t fucking know.” I squeezed her hand in mine. “Whatever we do or try to do, he could reject it, Courteney. We could fail. I don’t know what the answer is, but I know you can’t keep living in that house. It hurts you. I can see it hurting you, and I can’t fucking stand it. You can keep trying to help him… but ultimately it’s up to him if he just won’t change or won’t let you help.”
“Yeah. I know that,” she said. “But… I need to keep trying.”
And I could tell, just looking at her, that she meant it.
She’d never give up on him.
I knew, at the end of the day, no matter how he tried to shut me out or how much he pissed me off… I wouldn’t, either.
“Okay,” I promised her, “then I’ll help you do that.”
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Courteney
Iwalked into Xander’s place carrying a box of clothes.
