Since Gabe died.
I mean, he still was. You know… in my heart and stuff.
Shit, this blew.
I’d just have to wish her well, and be done with it. Ididcare about her, so I’d wish her all the good shit in life that she deserved, and I’d go on with my life.
Xander Fucking Rush, drummer of the soon-to-be chart topping, award winning, world tour rocking Players.
Come this time next year, I’d be cutting an album with Ashley Player, Summer Sorensen, Matty Brohmer, and who knew, maybe some killer guitarist, with Brody Mason and a shit-hot record producer at the helm, and Trey Fucking Jones pumping that shit out to the world, courtesy of Brick House Records.
Hot parties and hot fangirls to follow. More than me and my dick could ever keep up with.
I’d have more than fucking plenty to keep myself busy.
Too busy to dwell on Courteney Clarke.
I’d find someone else to take care of my dick… let someone else take care of her heart.
Fuck me.
I could leave her behind. Sure.
But there’s no way I’d ever forget her.
She was part of me. Part of my life. Part of myheart, just like her fucking brother was… Like Gabe had been.
And she always would be.
How could I stand knowing her like I’d known her, being as close to her as I’d been, and not be able to touch her again?
Watch some other asshole marry her… and make perfect little babies with her or something?
Jesus.
And now she had me thinking about fucked-up shit like making babies.
This was no fucking good.
She was making me feel waaay the fuck too much.
You’ve just gotta be honest with yourself. About what the fuck you are.
Yeah, maybe.
Maybe I was just gonna have to be the asshole I was on this, and go ahead and break her heart.
Before she broke mine.
* * *
Three days.
Three fucking days I hung out at my place, alone, pretty much flat on my belly on my couch, and felt… fucking everything.
Three long days, Courteney let me get away with this shit.
She was way more mature than I gave her credit for most of the time, because she didn’t chase after me. She didn’t text me anymore or call me or send pics of her tits.
