“Pretty good.”
“Yeah? Is it almost done?” Not sure why I even bothered to ask, because I knew I wouldn’t get a straight answer on that. I also wasn’t gonna bother calling him on whatever he’d told Courteney—that it was almost done. Getting her hopes up like that.
“Almost,” he said. Since he didn’t offer anything else, I knew he didn’t want to talk about that, either.
Which meant he probably wasn’t happy with how it was going.
Cary was never really happy with what he was working on until it was done, “done” meaning “perfect.” And only Cary could really decide when it was perfect enough for him.
As much as I would’ve loved to work with him again, have him produce one of my albums, in theory… I wasn’t sure Iwouldlove it.
But I did want to hang with him.
So I found something else to talk about as we passed the joint back and forth.
I told him about Trey buying an office tower, which made him laugh a little. Then we got talking about the old days, the old crew from around town. Musicians we used to know, back when we both used to play in so many bar bands, before we broke out of the local scene.
And for a while, it was just like having my old friend back.
Until the subject of Alive came up, and he shut right down.
We’d almost finished a second joint, and the conversation definitely dried up. But he hadn’t asked me to leave the studio yet. I was thinking I should get going so he wouldn’t have to ask.
But first, I decided to take a risk.
Maybe the pot had gone to my head.
“Why don’t you come out tonight?” I asked him. “We could go down to the beach, just the two of us. You know, watch the sunset, have a joint. Talk music like we used to. Get some air.”
Ouch. I could feel his response before he even spoke. His shoulders tightened and he started to shake his head.
“Or, grab a beer out by the pool…” I added quickly.
“I can’t. I have to work.”
“Right,” I said. “Okay.” Even though it wasn’t fucking okay.
“Actually, I have to get back to it.” He got to his feet. “So…” He handed me what was left of the joint.
I took it, and he took off. He disappeared into the control room. Freddy flopped off the couch, and ran after him like he was made of catnip.
Then the door closed.
It was pretty dark in there, just one small lamp on in the corner. I could see him through the big window as I got to my feet. Sitting hunched over the control board, his face lit up in the glow it gave off. He’d put headphones on.
He’d gone back to work, like I wasn’t even standing here.
I watched him for a moment. Then I mashed the joint out in an ashtray and left the studio.
Chapter Seventeen
Xander
Ispent the rest of the day down at the beach with friends. In the evening, I ended up back at my condo downtown.
I didn’t want to go back to Cary’s right now. I didn’t know how to stand seeing Courteney, or how to stand not seeing Cary.
Truth was, as much as I wanted to see him more… it fuckinghurtto see him like he was.
