I got cold and pulled the blanket over my naked, sweat-damp body, hugging myself.
Fuck.
I grabbed my phone off the bedside table and sent him a text.
Me:That was amazing. Why did you leave?
He didn’t text me back.
* * *
The next day, Xander was gone. As usual. I looked all over for him, but he was nowhere to be found.
And I didn’t know how to take that.
I didn’t exactly have any experience with the morning after.
It wasn’t like I expected him to suddenly be my boyfriend or anything, just because of what he did to me last night. But shit, couldn’t he even look me in the eye afterward?
I tried to tell myself he just went to work out or hang out with friends or something. Not a big deal.
He’d be back later.
But he didn’t come back.
And I kept replaying last night in my head. In vivid, moment-by-moment detail.
Because it was fucking awesome.
Until he walked out.
It wasn’t exactly like I thought it would be… like I fantasized it would be…
It wasmore.
He didn’t hurt me, at all… but he wasn’t gentle. It was wild and aggressive and kinky… and I totally got off on it.
But it bugged me that he wasn’t around now.
By the time evening rolled around, I was feeling strange about the whole thing. Unsettled.
Was this what it felt like to have a one-night stand?
If so, I definitely wasn’t cut out for it.
I just wanted him to come back. I wanted more… but mostly, I just wanted to see him and know that everything was okay between us.
But really, over the past few years, when had things ever been okay between us?
I ate dinner in the living room, alone in front of the TV. And after I ate, I put on a movie.The Ring. Because this movie creeped the shit out of me. I cuddled under a blanket and let it do its thing.
When the faceless girl with all the black hair started crawling out of the TV screen (in the movie), I snuggled deeper under the blanket. I glanced in the direction of my brother’s studio…
And it occurred to me suddenly—why I liked watching scary movies so much. Because it was a controlled sort of fear; safe. Because I could turn it off and walk away when it was over. It couldn’t actually hurt me.
That, and because my big brother used to watch them with me. I’d snuggle up next to him, and he’d make me feel safe.
After that realization, no matter how creepy the movie was, it couldn’t seem to hold my attention.
