Me:Are you mad at me?
I lay in bed awake, waiting for him to text me back, and after a while, he did.
Xander:No.
That was all.
Just two little letters.
At least I knew he was still alive. His phone still worked. His texting hand worked.
And maybe he wasn’t fucking a stripper?
Would he stop to text me back if hewasin the middle of fucking a stripper?
I really didn’t know.
He still remembered I existed, though. At least, he did now that I’d reminded him.
So that was something.
Although… that definitely confirmed he was avoiding me. On purpose. After making out with me.
And that fuckingcrushedme.
He’d seemed to have been avoiding me a lot since I’d moved into the house. But… this was different.
I’dfelthis desire for me last night.
It was like a door had cracked open and given me a glimpse of something I never really thought I’d get to experience.
And now… what?
Like what if he moved out? I mean, he didn’t really live here. He could leave any time.
What if he left and didn’t come back?
There was nothing stopping him from getting on a plane and taking off again, just like he did for three days this week. I didn’t even know where he’d gone. He never told me. I just knew he’d been on a plane because I saw the luggage tag on his suitcase when he got back. I’d watched him from the window, unpacking it from his car.
He’d just left, and then suddenly reappeared.
And there was nothing I could do about it.
I wasn’t a rock star. I was eighteen, and I had very little money of my own. What was I going to do? Ask my brother for money so I could chase Xander Rush around the globe?
I was stuck right here, and if Xander took off, I was powerless to stop it.
I felt powerless and alone.
And so fucking lonely.
I could remember nights at the dorm when I was away at school, alone, thinking about him. Wondering where in the world he was. If he ever thought about me.
Xander and I had always lived in the same world, and yet… we totally didn’t. I had no power over him, no control over anything he did.
No way to make him stay.
And maybe that was what I’d always feared the most.
