She knew it, too.
“I’m sorry,” she said, her voice softening. “That was low. I didn’t say that to hurt you. I’m just a little tired of you being angry at the world because you refuse to be angry with him. Don’t be angry with him, but don’t be angry at the world either, okay?”
I said nothing. At the moment, I was too angry to say anything worthwhile.
“You know I’m sorry he broke your heart.”
“Then shut up about it,” I said. “I don’t want to talk about this with you.”
She sighed and fell back in her recliner. “Ugh. I’m just pissed at you. Why did you have to kiss Matt?”
“He kissed me first!”
“You realize you fucked up our relationship with this shit?” she fired back at me.
“This shitis who I am,” I growled right back.
“That is not fair. You know that’s not what I mean. I’m not attacking your sexuality, Ash. It’s your lack of fidelity I have a problem with.”
“I can be loyal to this band. Did I ever cheat on the Pushers? I stuck with them way the hell longer than I ever should have. Kind of a pattern of mine.”
Our eyes were locked, and that one was definitely below the belt. We both knew I was insinuating my relationship with her.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “That’s not fair, either.”
“You could’ve left anytime,” she said quietly. “I wasn’t keeping you against your will.”
“I didn’t want to leave,” I said, honestly.
Summer looked away. She took a deep breath and said, “I really want this band, Ash. I don’t want it fucked up by personal bullshit. I just need to know… Do you really want this as much as I do?”
I knew that was her fear, back then. That maybe I didn’t want our relationship like she did. Yes, I’d fallen in love with her, but she was right. I did want to be shared.
But I also wanted this.
“I won’t fuck it up,” I told her. “I’ll make sure Matt and I are cool. And if he doesn’t join the band, it won’t be because I fucked him. I promise you that.”
“Good.” Summer finally looked at me again. “Because we have a long way to go and we’re doing it together. Agreed?”
“Agreed.”
“Great. Now do you want to tell me what else has been up your ass lately?”
I relaxed back in my chair and considered what to tell her. I blew out a breath.
What the fuck time was it?
I should probably go home, go to bed.
But I just sat here.
“I met a girl.”
Summer stared at me. “You did?” There was a definite note of amazement in her voice. Summer knew I met girls all the time. But for me to mention one to her… that didn’t happen every day.
“She’s an interior decorator,” I told her. “And she makes jewelry. She’s smart, talented, and she’s nice. Like really nice.”
“You like her.”
