“What do I do if I can’t fuck her?” I gave Seth a sharp look when I felt his response to that. “Don’t laugh. I’mserious.”
“Okay.”
“What the fuck do I do if I can’t touchher?”
He looked at me, a few times, before answering. “What were you gonna do, just fuck all your problemsaway?”
Silence. I didn’t fucking answerthat.
And maybe it slowly dawned on him that that was exactly what I was gonna do. I’d been fucking away my problems with women for years. Thing was, that approach had always been sufficient before, since I never wanted any of those other women to stick aroundafterwefucked.
“Have you talked to her?” he asked me. “You know you can actually talk to her,right?”
“Uh-huh,” I said, but mostly just to get him to stop talking. Was already sorry I asked. “Stop fuckinglaughing.”
“I’mnot.
“I can hear it in yourhead.”
Silence.
Then he burst the fuck out laughing, until I punched him on the shoulder and he reeled itin.
“Okay,” he said, biting back his shit. “So try this. Next time you feel like fucking Maggie, keep your pants on, sit on your fucking hands, and talk to herinstead.”
“Aboutwhat?”
“About the weather and the state of the economy. What do youthink?”
“I’ve already told her how I feel about her. She doesn’t even want to hear it. And by the way, for a nice guy, the level of sheer dickheadedness that comes out of you is stunning at times. Has Elle seen this side ofyou?”
“Never claimed to be a nice guy. And unfortunately, Elle’s seen every side of me.” He said that in a way that made my stomachturn.
Reminded me exactly what she’dseen.
I’d seen the aftermath of it, the medics hauling Seth’s lifeless-looking body out to the ambulance on a stretcher, and that was bad enough. Elle was the one who’d found him unconscious, covered in puke andblood.
“And by the way,” he said, “the amount of women you’ve been with, the lack of shit you know about the female gender isstunning.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. I thought I had a hard time understandingwomen…”
I stared at him. Then I took off his hat and pulled it down on my head. “I’m keeping thishat.”
A grin flickered over Seth’s face, dimple and all. “Look, if I can tell you’re in love with Maggie, I’m pretty sure Maggie can tell you’re in love with Maggie. She probably doesn’t need to hear how you feel about her as much as she needs to hear all the othershit.”
“What othershit?”
“You know what shit. If you’re trying to be a rock star for her, trying to be that guy who only exists on the album cover and on the stage, that’s never gonnalast.”
I slid down deeper into my seat and crossed my arms, tucking my hands in my armpits. The sun was up now; we’d been up all night. But I was still listening to every word Sethsaid.
“She needs the shit you don’t wanna say, brother. The shit you don’t talk about with anyone else. Your addiction, your demons, whatever it is. You can’t talk to her about that shit…” He shook his head. “Might as well burn that marriage certificate they gave you two inVegas.”
* * *
When we got backto the hotel, Seth cracked open my bottle of Jack Daniels and flushed it down the toilet, along with all my weed. He rinsed the bottle and took it with him when he left, so I wouldn’t even have to smell the fumes. He also took my rolling papers and mylighters.
