He just stared at me, like he knew exactly what I was talking about. “You loveme.”
I softened, any remaining fight totally leaving me, because that was the truth, too. I did lovehim.
I loved himbadly.
“Love isn’t enough,Zane.”
“Maybe not. But it’s a fucking start, isn’tit?
“Yeah. Yeah, it’s a start.” I stared at him, sitting there on the bed just two feet from me, and I hugged myself. “Here we are, eight years in… still standing at the startingline.”
Chapter Twelve
Zane
Iwanted a drink.
I wanted a big, strong, bottomlessdrink.
It was the middle of the night and this was Vegas. So getting my hands on that bottomless drink would not be aproblem.
I should’ve calledRudy.
Instead, I headeddownstairs.
My AA sponsor and friend, Rudy Baker, was a blues musician, a fucking genius musician who’d just about drank his whole life away before he got sober about twenty years ago. He’d been my sponsor ever since we’d connected after my first stint in rehab. He’d been there for me through everything, knew all my dirty shit—or most of it—and was still there forme.
He even knew about Maggie. Knew I was in love with her, but even Rudy didn’t know I’d married her inVegas.
Couldn’t quite get myself to confess that one tohim.
Rudy lived in L.A., and while it was late, I could’ve called him anytime of thenight.
Ididn’t.
I didn’t even see him while we were in L.A. thistime.
I made it as far as the hotel lobby before I stopped myself and sat the fuck down. Right where I was, on a stair. I could see the lights of The Strip beyond, hear the noise… and I just knew if I walked out there, I wasn’t comingback.
Fucking terrifyingfeeling.
I waved Shady away when he got close. “Just give me a minute.Please.”
“Sure,brother.”
He faded away, and I sat, looking out across the massive lobby, watching people heading out on the town. I hadn’t even thought to throw on a hat or anything. I just sat, unmoving, hoping no one would look my way and try to come talk tome.
There was a loud group of girls in sparkly dresses, obviously half-cut, laughing and arguing over which bar to go to. I could’ve walked right over to them and joined their littleparty.
Me plus chicks plusbooze…
Instantparty.
I remembered how easy that used to be, walking over to a group like that. Wild horses couldn’t have kept me away. Wherever I was headed, whatever other shit I was supposed to be doing… a group of chicks like that would’ve derailedme.
But I also remembered the kind of shit that happened the morning after I’d gone off thoserails.
Like waking up to one of my best friends tearing me a new one because I’d ended up in bed with a girl heloved.
