Then I noticedMaggie.
She was over by her bus with Talia, and she was giving me a look I couldn’t read. Too far away, and she had sunglasses on… but she was definitely looking at me. Watching that exchange withAmber.
Wondering if I could be trusted with Dylan’s new girl, maybe. Trusted not to be an asshole… orworse.
Didn’t blame her for scoping me out when I was talking to any chick… but really didn’t know how I was ever gonna convince her I wastrustworthy.
I might be an asshole, but I was never gonna make a play for Amber or anyoneelse.
Maggie disappeared onto her bus, before I could make a move in herdirection.
Shady was standing by, waiting for me, and we had a smoke while Jude’s friend, some biker dude, rolled in with a couple of other dudes on Harleys. Jude introduced us; they were affiliated somehow with Jude’s motorcycle club, the West Coast Kings. I didn’t ask how. Learned long ago, you don’t ask questions likethat.
Jude’s guy was letting him take his bike for a rip, and as the bikers headed into the diner, Jude got on the Harley and Roni got on behindhim.
I’d never been into motorcycles myself, but Jude Grayson made that shit look good. Big and dark and powerful, kinda like the machine itself. And with Roni at his back, all sleek black hair and curves in her leather jacket and tight jeans… I watched as she wrapped herself around her man. Then they rolled out of the lot and tore up thehighway.
Jesse and Katie stayed back with their bus to wait for Jude and Roni, while the rest of us rolled out. And as I watched the Harley disappear into the distance, I felt that thing again… that fucking jealousy I always felt around my friends who had the shit Iwanted.
* * *
ItextedMaggie on the road to San Francisco. It was a long drive and I wished she would’ve just rode on my damn bus. It wasn’t like everyone would instantaneously think we were fucking—or married—just because she rode on my bus for a stretch. We could’ve been talking about business orwhatever.
I pointed that out to her in mytexts.
She didn’t textback.
Then I tossed my phone and lay back on my bed. I smoked some more green and I thought about Jude, rolling out on that Harley with Roni at his back, looking like they belonged together. I’d never seen him like that with awoman.
So righttogether.
Seeing them like that made me wish I’d never fucked Roni, once upon a time. Wasn’t all that proud of it, given Jude’s reaction when he’d found us inbed.
But that was long ago and I’d been drinking then. Just one of about a million things I’d done when I was wasted that I’d live to laterregret.
Fact was, I regretted a lot of shit I’d done, even when I wassober.
But not Maggie. I’d never regret one moment withher.
Even all the mistakes, the stupid fights, the long stretches of fucked-up silence. Because every moment of our relationship had gotten us where we were. And even if I’d been confused about it in the past, I knew she had feelings for me now. That much wasobvious.
Feelings she was trying like hell to avoid. Which was why she avoidedme.
Or triedto.
But fuck that. I was just gonna have to make her face her feelings. Make her faceme. Make her look me right in the eye while I fucked her, again and again, and then I was probably gonna do something stupid, like dare her to tell me she didn’t loveme.
She wouldn’tdare.
At least, I didn’t thinkso.
I knew she was scared, and I knew why she was scared. She’d told me oftenenough.
The stakes for her werereal.
Her job; that was the worst of it. She was afraid of losing the job sheloved.
And then there was the fact that she thought—somewhat justifiably—that I was an unrepentant, irredeemablemanslut.
