I would’ve happily leaked a sex tape, if the thought of random assholes jacking off to my wife didn’t make my trigger fingeritch.
But I had no problem with the entire fucking universe knowing I owned that sweetass.
Fortunately for me, it now kindadid.
Unfortunately for me, Maggie was gonna be pissed aboutit.
I was pretty sure aboutthat.
She hadn’t said a word since she started eating, but she did keep glancing my way through narrowed eyes, like she was reading my fucked-up thoughts. “Aren’t you going to finish yourlunch?”
“I’mgood.”
Truth was I was too worked up to eat. Too antsy going over all the shit in my head I wanted to say but didn’t quite know howto.
How to tell her about the Maxxishit?
How not to make her pissed at me when Idid?
How not to freak her the fuck out by staring at her too long without saying anything atall?
I decided to stop staring at her and looked out the window of the jet instead, into the sea of clouds below. I relaxed back into my seat. It was a five-and-a-half-hour drive up to Detroit from Louisville, so I figured we’d fly in style instead. Maggie didn’t seem to find anything suspicious about that, atfirst.
But I knew the way I was acting was tweaking her Zane’s-up-to-shitradar.
Maggie had sharpradar.
And I was definitely up toshit.
I’d never actually cared about upsetting people with whatever came out of my mouth before. I definitely lacked a filter, but fuck it. I didn’t like being filtered. Wasn’t used to anyone telling me what I could and couldn’tsay.
Brody and our publicity team gave me “suggestions.”
I usually ignoredthem.
I was used to saying whatever the fuck I wanted and maybe apologizing for itlater.
Maybe.
Having to consider what my wife would think and how she’d feel about everything that came out of my mouth, before it came out of my mouth, was like a whole new fuckingworld.
Seth wasright.
No idea if it was just because I was an addict, and/or because I was an only child or my parents died when I was so young, or because I’d become so successful I was used to getting my way with most things… but I was selfish. And getting used to putting someone else’s needs right up front with my own? Took some getting usedto.
But practice makes perfect,right?
And maybe Seth was right about something else. Motivation was key. I had to have a reason for doing the right thing, and that reason had to beinternal.
And itwas.
I wanted to ace this husbandthing.
I figured I’d been doing pretty good with it—sofar.
Maggie and I hadn’t gotten into any serious arguments since Vegas—nine weeks and counting. I was keeping up with going to AA meetings, hitting the gym, eating well and sleeping well, and generally keeping my shittogether.
I was making this shit look good, too. I knew I was. People kept telling me so. Even people who had no idea I’d kicked pot and had no reason to comment that I looked or sounded better orwhatever.
