“Jude…” I said, but he didn’t even seem to notice I’d spoken. I felt sick, horrified and humiliated, and he wouldn’t even look atme.
“Jude, man,” Jesse said. “Pipe, let’s go get someair.”
“You’re kiddin’ me,” Piper said, making no move to get up. He grinned at his brother, completely undaunted, ignoring Jesse. “You’re really sweet on her.Again.”
“Get the fuck up from the table before I makeyou.”
“Jude!” I slammed my fork down on my plate, and finally, he looked atme.
It was like a record had stopped, like the needle had scratched its way across the surface and everyone had gone stonesilent.
Except that Dean Martin was still crooning out Christmas carols in thebackground.
I turned to Piper and asked him, very calmly, “What would you like me to do? Go back in time and unfuck all those other guys? You? Ben? Everyone I ever fucked but yourbrother?”
“Oh my goodness, Roni,” my mom slurred, as if I was embarrassingher. “Language…”
“I would, you know,” I went on, “if it meant I could have him. If it meant he’d stop holding it againstme.”
Any lingering conversation or attempts to interject had completely died off. I wasn’t speaking loudly, but my voice sounded loud in theroom.
I looked over at Jude. “Is that what you’d like me to do?” I asked him. “Magically change history so you can get overit?”
“Can we talk about this later?” he said, in a low but softervoice.
“No. I wasn’t a virgin when we first got together or even when we first met, and you knew that. You’re not exactly a virgin yourself. For all I know you’ve fucked ten times as many people as I have, but have I ever given you a hard time about it, even once? I haven’t. Because I don’t care. If you actually care about me and you’re done fucking other people, I don’t care about yourpast.”
We sat there facing off across the table. In utter, uncomfortablesilence.
Dean Martin croonedaway.
Someone cleared his throat. Dylan,maybe.
Baby Nick squealed and started crying in his bassinet, and Jessa hurried to attend tohim.
“Holy fuck,” Zane said. “Please. Someone tell a dick or fart joke,quick.”
Maggiesighed.
Jude saidnothing.
I tossed my snowflake napkin on the table and walkedout.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Roni
Igrabbedmy jacket and boots and pulled them on, but I didn’t head out the front door. Nothing thatdramatic.
I just went upstairs, all the way up to the second floor and down the hall to Jessa’s writing room. The room Brody had furnished and decorated for her with such love. I pushed through the glass door to the rooftop patio and walked the length of it in thecold.
Snow was falling, but just in sparse, floatyflakes.
I stood by the fire, which wasn’t lit, and starred into the little pile of burnt wood feeling sick about that whole ugly scene.FuckingPiper.
And Jude… Jude was so damn private about his personal stuff… and here I’d just gone and spilled all our private shit right in front of hisfriends.
I wasn’t sure what to do or say to smooth things over orwhatever.
