The more they demanded one… I was just gonna have to tell them all to go fuck themselves. It was no one’s business butmine.
AndSeth’s.
I held his hands, loosely, as we posed together, sometimes only our fingers hooked together, or our palms sliding over one another’s as we shifted position… but we never letgo.
And something happened on thatbeach.
I wouldn’t even look at Seth’s face. But I couldfeelhim. Solid as a rock. His steady, mellow energy, like a kind of healing balm to my nerves, the rolling tide of my defensive anger. I could feel his steady heartbeat in his fingers. The soft strength of his touch and the roughness of hiscallouses.
I could smell him; his warm, beachy, manly smell… strangelyfamiliar.
And sometimes, when his face was close enough to mine, I could hear him breathing over the soft hiss of the waves lapping at ourfeet.
I could feel his warm breath on my skin when he leaned into me and said, “You lookbeautiful.”
And I felt the fire rip down myspine.
* * *
“I’mgonna go get anotherround!”
Joanie shouted at me over the music. Despite my hesitancy to leave the peace and quiet of Woo’s house, I’d let her drag me out tonight. We were at the Blue Tide, this tiny little open-air bar that we usually visited when we came to Kauai. Me, Joanie, and whoever we’d brought with us. In this case, it was Seth. And of course, Flynn, who chose to hang just outside and smoke under the stars, even though we’d invited him in for a drink withus.
Joanie vanished in the direction of the bar, leaving Seth and I at the table. The place was crowded, as usual. The house band played amazing local music, and the small dance floor was jam-packed. We were sitting alongside the dance floor, Seth in his linen pants and a soft white button-up shirt that was unbuttoned halfway, the sleeves rolled up. His olive-toned skin had darkened the last few days in the sun, and he looked like he belongedhere.
That thought warmed me: that Seth had somewhere to belongagain.
Even if it was only for a fewdays.
On the small table between us, he was cupping a coffee mug in his hands as he listened to the band. And I had to admit to myself that the main reason I’d picked this bar over the others on the island was the fact that I knew they served fantastic local coffee at all hours of the night. It seemed unfair to take Seth to a bar and drink in front of him if he couldn’t even enjoy acoffee.
He looked over at me, suddenly, like he’d felt me looking athim.
Maybe I’d beenstaring?
I looked away, watching people dance. My legs were crossed and I was swinging one leg to the music, swaying a little in my seat. I only wished I knew the words so I could singalong.
It had been a long, long time since I’d felt this good. Thisrelaxed.
Thiscarefree.
Since before my relationship with Jesse, probably. Before things got all tense and fucked up, and daily life became astruggle.
Just get through this day without remembering that you had your heart tornout.
Even when I was screwing around with Ash, and we were having fun… the shadow of that heartbreak was still lurking. I was still running fromit.
I wasn’t runninganymore.
I wasn’t sure when it had happened… If it was flying to Kauai, finally getting some time off, or telling Ash he couldn’t come with me, or telling everyone else to leave me the fuck alone for a few days… But at some point, it had all stopped haunting me. My broken heart. My struggles to work with Jesse and the rest of the band as if it never happened. My failed attempts to moveon.
I finally felt free of itall.
“We should dance.” I felt Seth’s warm breath on my ear. I turned to look at him; he’d leaned over the table and his face was close to mine. I could see the gold rings around the pupils in his eyes, like fire smoldering throughsmoke.
And I wanted to dance. Withhim.
Joanie returned with two ridiculously-girlie pink cocktails in hurricane glasses, setting them down between us. “The waitress will bring more coffee by,” she toldSeth.
