Then I sent her a series of hearts and kissy faces. Because I loved her likethat.
Summer:You know it. Check in laterbabe.
Summer:Where’sAsh?
Right.Ash.
Summer’s ex-boyfriend.
The two of them were still good friends. Such good friends that she had no problem whatsoever with me hooking up with him, as evidenced by the fact that she’d given me the green light, long before we hooked up, “just in case.” Maybe she’d sensed he was into me. Either way, I’d never felt bad hooking up with him, where she was concerned; there was noneed.
But somehow, I felt bad about her finding out I was cutting him loose. Because she was still protective of him, even if notpossessive.
Me:He stayedback.
Me:Talk later babe.XO
I figured I had a little wiggle room, maybe, to wait to talk to her about it in person. In case she was upset aboutit.
Obviously, he hadn’t said anything to her about ityet.
I lay back and just tried to chill out about it. About everything. Fortunately, it didn’t take too long to get there. ItwasHawaii. Chill was in theair.
Besides that, Bruno Mars was playing, “That’s What I Like.” While I lay there, actually feeling relaxed for the first time in weeks—if not months—andall kinds of sexy, I wondered, briefly, if I’d made a mistake not bringing Ash here withme.
But I knew that was just my horny, almost-naked pussytalking.
The rest of me was glad Ash wasn’t here. Especially when he texted me not longafter.
Ash:What’s the deal withSeth?
I wasn’t sure if he was asking what was going on with Seth and Dirty, and/or with Seth andme, but if he was being passive-aggressive and accusing me of something—messing around with Seth?—while trying to pass it off as concern about the band, it was thinly-veiled.
At that point, I turned off myphone.
And I thought about what Joanie had toldme.
She said Seth had gone to buy some clothes, since he hadn’t brought any extra with him. She’d told him Woo had some random stuff in the guest rooms he could use, but he declined that. Maybe he didn’t want to impose. Maybe he felt uncomfortable here, but apparently he’d been nothing short of completely courteous with Joanie and Flynn. He’d gone grocery shopping with Joanie this morning and made everyone fresh-squeezed orange juice and banana pancakes, which I didn’t even know was a thing, despite the Jack Johnsonsong.
Joanie had even caught him chatting with Flynn over coffee, out in the driveway after breakfast, and it was rare that either of us caught anyone chatting with Flynn. The man didn’t exactly talk much. But apparently, he and Seth were now coffeebuddies.
Never saw thatcoming.
I had to wonder if Seth had evenslept.
I knew he’d been careful with me, feeling me out. Letting me work on the plane. Not pushing for conversation. Clearly, he was letting me take the lead in how things unfolded between us. I knew this was on purpose and I not only appreciated it, I respectedit.
Too many people in my life did not know when to back off and give me space. Or, frankly, shut theirmouths.
As the afternoon waned, I felt closer to being ready to talk to him some more. Toreallytalk. And maybe let my guard down a bit. The sleep and the sunshine had helped me to process what we’d discussed last night. By now, I’d pretty much cooled off. Any anger I’d felt at the audition, and afterward, had dissipated. It was really just a knee-jerk reaction, based on things that were long in thepast.
And anyway, I’d had an epiphanytoday.
Last night, after we’d talked, Seth had asked me if I thought I could ever forgive him. I couldn’t really give him an answer, but not because I couldn’t forgive him. It had only started to become clear to me when I woke up this afternoon: I didn’t really believe inforgiveness.
For a long time, after Jesse broke up with me, I wanted him to forgive me. I kept waiting for him to change his mind and ask me to get back together with him, and when that didn’t happen, I started hoping he’d forgive me for whatever I did that was so wrong. I even asked him, once, if he was ever going to dothat.
He’d looked completely stunned by thequestion.
