When he was onstage in the bar, I hadn’t gotten a very good look. The screen wasn’t out of the way for long, and I was so shocked, not to mention distracted by the tension in the room and the reactions of everyone else, that I hadn’t fully absorbed what I wasseeing.
He looked good. Reallygood.
Healthy.
And the shorter hair suitedhim.
He’d taken his shades off, and his eyes met mine again. Those were the same as ever. A pale, smoky green, almost grayish, with gold around the pupils. But there was something in them I couldn’t put my finger on. Something new. A self-assurance, maybe. Amaturity.
But just like when I saw him onstage tonight… I did not see a guilty man looking back atme.
“I’m listening,” he said. “Whatever you have to say, you can sayit.”
“Not yet,” I said. And I told him, “I’m still pissed atyou.”
I reallywas.
There was a whole shitload of conflicting feelings swirling through me right now, some of them ugly, but I knew better than to let them all come spilling out. First, I needed a little time to gather my thoughts so I wouldn’t explode in anger. Or guilt—which was anger atmyself.
He didn’t flinch, didn’t even blink when he said, “Iknow.”
I tore my eyes away and dug my phone out of my purse, mostly because I wanted him to think I had something else I needed to do. Though all I really needed to do right now was scrape my head together. It was an impulse, picking him up. But I didn’t regret it. I just couldn’t stand the sight of him sitting there on thestreet.
Guilt, yes. But something else,too.
It waswrong.
Seth had been my friend once. A good friend. Atruefriend.
Over the years, I’d definitely come to learn the value of a true friend. They were fuckinginvaluable.
How could I just drive on by, like Seth never meant anything to me atall?
I couldn’t. Maybe Brody could. Maybe the guys in the bandcould.
I couldnot.
When I checked my phone, I already had texts from Jesse, Ash, Maggie and Liv, but I ignored them all. Joanie had also texted me, from the frontseat.
Joanie:Everythingok?
I texted her back a quickYes. Because everything was okay. At least, with our travelplans.
I still could not wait to get out ofhere.
I was still weary as fuck of all the stand-offs. Jesse and Zane, locking horns over every guitarist we auditioned—Seth included. And now Brody was so pissed he’d walked out on the band. Maggie and Zane didn’t even seem to be talking to each other lately, and I wasn’t even sure if anyone else had noticed, or if it was just me. I knew I should check in with her about that, see if everything was okay, let her know she could talk to me. God knew she’d refereed Zane’s battles with everyone else; if she was having issues with him herself, someone should stepup.
But I was just so fucking weary of itall.
I really needed thisbreak.
Not only did I not know what to say to Seth right now, I didn’t have the energy to say it. To deal with whatever he might say back… or what everyone else was gonna say when they found out that I—gasp of horror—gave Seth aridesomewhere and had aconversationwithhim.
It was all starting to border on fuckingjuvenile.
And anyway, even if I’d had the energy to deal with it all, I did not have the time. Nottoday.
So I turned to him again and said the only thing that seemed reasonable tosay.
