Zane didn’t know about that, though. At least, I was pretty sure hedidn’t.
Either way, I probably should’ve been relieved.Thiswas what everyone had wanted, ever since Jesse and I broke up, almost a year-and-a-half ago: for life in the band to go back to normal. And Zane used to talk to me like this—crudely—all the time. Since the breakup, though, he’d very conspicuously bit his tongue about my personallife.
It seemed the moratorium on that subject was finallyover.
He smirked, because Zane loved having the last word, then turned and saunteredaway.
“Hope you don’t accidentally screw any underage chicks at your party tonight and end up in jail,” I told his retreating back. “We’re gonna need you on thetour.”
He raised a fist and flipped his middle finger at me, then disappeared through thedoor.
Yeah. Back to normalenough.
I just stood here for a moment and sighed. I was officiallyoff, and it was long past time.The crew was starting to reappear, discreetly tearing down equipment and packing out around me. I was off the hook. This thing was done—fornow.
So why was I still standinghere?
“How aboutyou?”
I glanced down at Dylan. I’d kinda forgotten he was still here. “What?”
“Do you wish we never lost Seth?” he askedme.
I sighed again, a heavy, ragged sigh that came from somewhere deep inside. Somewhere wounded and so full of regret, I’d never been able to find the bottom of it. A place where I kept the two worst memories of my life: finding my friend unconscious, limp and pale, in a pool of his own vomit and blood… and a month later, turning my back onhim.
“It doesn’t matter,” I said, my voice sounding small in the huge room. “It’s not the same thing anyway. Sometimes I still wish I never lost Jesse, but that doesn’t mean I want himback.”
When I met Dylan’s gaze, his green eyes were soft, his handsome face strained with worry. I couldn’t remember a time when Dylan had ever been in the middle of any kind of drama between any of us—Zane, Jesse, me. It was always the three of us raising a shit storm, and Dylan, the calm in the eye of thecyclone.
I bent to kiss him, lightly, on the cheek. “I’ll see you,” I promisedhim.
But as I walked out, I really didn’t know when that wouldbe.
Chapter Five
Elle
Backstage was a total clusterfuck.Everyone was hurrying around, the production crew loading out and everyone else scrambling to get the hell out of the way of the band because, apparently, they’d all heard what happened in there and probably expected us to be breaking shit on our wayout.
I saw Zane talking to Jude and Brody, but I didn’t go near them. Maggie and Liv and Joanie all converged on me as I was beelining down the hall, but I shut them down with a raisedhand.
“No one gets in,” I told Joanie, and disappeared into my dressingroom.
It was a storage room with metal shelving that housed bar stock—drink mixes and jars of olives—but they’d made it work for me, shoving everything up against the walls and bringing in a dressing table with a full-length mirror, portable lights, and a couple of wardrobe racks. I dropped into the chair at the table with a sigh. God, I just needed a minute aloneto—
The door opened and Ash stepped in. I spun around to face him, but before I could get my mouth open, Joanie popped her head in behind him. “I… uh… assumed you didn’t meanAsh.”
Ash raised an eyebrow at me and I managed a half-smile. “It’s okay,” I told her, though it wasn’t. Just because Joanie had figured out that I was screwing Ash—on occasion—didn’t mean he got access to the inner sanctum anytime he felt likeit.
I’d have to talk to her about it.Later.
She left, shutting the door and leaving me alone with Ash. When I met his eyes, he gave me an expectantlook.
It was a look he’d been giving me a lotlately.
“How’d it go?” heasked.
I assumed he was being sarcastic, since he’d been in the room until Brody kicked everyone out; he’d been there when Seth gotbounced.
