“Well, the auditions went well,” Zanesaid.
Next to me, Dylan growled out a load of tension. “I’m so fucking tired of this shit,” he bitched, rubbing his hands over hisface.
Yeah. Me, too. But it wasn’t like Dylan to lose hispatience.
This was just plainbad.
“You really want Seth back?” he askedZane.
“Fucking right,” Zane said. “I wish we never losthim.”
“You’ve all been here a long time.” Maggie intervened, maybe sensing she needed to shut Zane up. She was pretty good at knowing when that time had come. “Let’s just call it a day. I’ll talk to Brody and we’ll do whatever we need to do to find the rightperson.”
“Thanks, Maggie,” I said, when the guys just sat there in darksilence.
Maggie nodded, then turned and quietly let herself out. Zane got up to follow, but stopped to clasp hands with Dylan. “See youlater?”
“Yeah,” Dylan said. “I’ll comeby.”
Then Zane turned to me. He moved in for a hug, so I got up to meet him. We embraced, but I wasn’t exactly looking him in the eye when he asked, “You comingtonight?”
No, I wasn’t coming. Was kinda hoping I wouldn’t have to say so to his face,though.
Zane was throwing a belated birthday party for Woo at his place tonight. In reality, it was probably also aThank-fuck-we’re-done-with-these-auditionsparty. But now, maybe we weren’t done. And I was still going to Kauai—the split second I walked out ofhere.
Zane held me out at arm’s length. He was staring at me, and when I hesitated too long to answer him, he accused, “Youghosting?”
“Yes,” I said, because what else could Isay?
His hands dropped away. “What the fuck,Elle?”
“I’m done. Fornow.”
“What the fuck does thatmean?”
“It means I’mdone. Taking a break. You all should too.” I glanced down at Dylan, who was still sprawled back in his chair, tapping a drumstick against his skull and looking like he’d rather be having a root canal rightnow.
“Tell that to Brody and Maggie,” Zanesaid.
“I have. They’ll need time to work out the details with the network anyway. Extend shooting or whatever. Meanwhile, we can all take abreather.”
Zane stared me down, but he didn’t argue any further. We all knew this process was taking a toll, and I really didn’t care what he thought about me jetting off to Kauai. I was supposed to have this break months ago, but this never ending search for a new guitarist kept postponingit.
How many times had he bailed on the band over the years because he had something more important to do, like get drunk, or get sober, or getlaid?
This was my mental health we were talking about. We’d been working on the new album and searching for a new guitarist non-stop for a year while I also worked on about nine hundred other projects. I was officially overworked, overstressed and over the bullshit between Jesse and Zane—not to mention the bullshit between Jesse and me. If I didn’t get some time away, I was gonna flip out, and it would not be pretty. Maggie and Joanie had been working, hard, to clear my schedule—a small miracle—and if Zane had a problem with me taking off, he could take it up with Brody. I was gone, and Zane could kiss my ass as I walkedaway.
But I bit that all back. Justbarely.
He knew it, too. Those ice-blue eyes of his narrowed at me, a grin twitching at the corners of hismouth.
I smiled,grudgingly.
“Hope you find some hot dick in Hawaii,” he said. “And cheer the fuckup.”
My smile fell. He should talk; I wasn’t the one who used sex to make myself feelbetter.
Although, these past seven months… that’s exactly what I’d been doing. WithAsh.
