“Right,” she said, sounding unsure. Her hand went to her stomachagain.
“Come on,” I said, hitting her with that killer smile the fangirls loved. “You know I make jokes, Elle. I’m good. I’m drunk. I just need to get laid.” I sat up, like I was ready to go do just that the second she’d let me off thehook.
She nodded, slowly, and like she didn’t believe me, her gray eyes on mine. I looked right back at her, as steady as Icould.
Then she stood and looked down atme.
She wasn’t showing yet, but her body was already changing. Her short, tight dress showed the exaggerated curves, the fullness of her swollenbreasts.
I looked away, swallowing the utter fucking jealousy that lodged like an ice pick in mythroat.
So she was knocked up with Seth Brothers’kid.
Why the fuck did that bother me somuch?
Because that means she’s never gonna be yours,asshole.
Never.
“Let’s hang out when I get back,” she said, finally, after staring at me for too long. “We’ll do dinner withSummer.”
Yeah. Sounded great. Maybe we could just round up all my ex-girlfriends and have a fuckingluncheon.
“Cool.” I sank the last of my beer and got to my feet. Then I wrapped my hand around the back of her head and kissed her, firmly, on the forehead. “Take care of yourself,Elle.”
“You, too,” she said, kinda softening. Relieved, maybe, that I was acting vaguely human. But that little crease was still there between hereyebrows.
She put her hand on my arm, briefly, and squeezed. “See you, Ashley.” She gave me a lingering, sympatheticlook.
Then she walkedaway.
Flynn had been leaning in the darkness nearby and mobilized to shadow her across the room. I watched her go, and it felt like fucking hell. There was a crushing feeling in my chest that did not make any sense tome.
It had to be the beer, making me extra fucking morose and unable todeal.
It’s not like I was in love with Elle,right?
I’d already learned, through being a fucking idiot in love, once—with Summer—that love was a fucking illusion. One day you’re so deep in it, it’s all you can see. The whole world looks different. You’re on another fucking planet, just you and this one chick, with the sun and the moon fucking rising and setting in hereyes.
All thatbullshit.
Then it fuckingfades.
Itdies.
It’s gone, and just like waking up from some dream, you can never get it backagain.
You realize maybe it was never even fuckingreal.
And you watch the one person you thought you’d love forever, you thought you’d never be able to live without, go on to love someone else—like you never even fuckingmattered.
I made my way to the nearest bar and ordered up a fresh bottle. I leaned on the bar, watching people dance and makeout.
Who the fuck neededlove?
From now on, it was just me and Dylan—and whoever was gonna warm my bed with the least amount of drama possible. Casualsex.
Fuck ’em and forget ’em.
