“Kind of. It’s killing Brody more, though. He’s managed to cope by deciding we’re having aboy.”
“Why aboy?”
“Because if we have a girl,” Brody said, strolling out onto the patio, “she’ll look like you.” He pulled Jessa into his arms. “And every little shit in the neighborhood is gonna start following her home when she’s fucking twelve, and I’m gonna have to start collecting guns.” He kissed her, thoroughly, on the mouth, and she sighed a little, swooning in hisarms.
I looked away. Clearly, pregnancy hadn’t put a damper on their insatiable desire for oneanother.
When Brody finally released her, he told me, “Come on into the office, when you’reready.”
I nodded, and he disappeared back into the house. I didn’t want to leave Seth in there too long without me, but on the other hand, if Seth was joining Dirty, he needed to be able to be in a room with Brody without mysupervision.
“They’ll be fine,” Jessa said, all sympathy. She must’ve been reading my mind. “Men just have a different way of dealing with their grudges. You know… women are more psychological about it. We can hold a silent grudge for years and have this emotional warfare going on. Guys… they take out their grudges with their fists. And if Brody doesn’t like someone, he’ll say it right out. But over the years, with everything that happened, I never heard him actually say he doesn’t like Seth.” She shrugged. “It gives me hope.” She lowered her voice and added, “I think, actually, that’s why he took it all so hard. Because he did like Seth. But that’s the part he won’t come right out and tellyou.”
“Yeah,” I agreed. “That sounds about right to me.” Though I wasn’t sure if I agreed with her about those differences between men and women. I definitely didn’t have a problem speaking my mind when I was pissed at someone. “Jessa… I hope I wasn’t too harsh on you. You know, at thechurch.”
“You weren’t,” shesaid.
“I just wanted everyone to finally see what I see, inSeth…”
I faded off because she was gazing at me, speculatively and kinda dreamily, with her big brown eyes. They were so like Jesse’s, it was unnervingsometimes.
“What?”
“You’re so in love with him,” shesaid.
I shrugged, a little uncomfortably. “Well…yeah.”
A beautiful smile blazed across Jessa’s face. “Oh my goodness,Elle.”
“Yeah.”
She hugged me, gently, her giant belly nudging mine, and I took a breath. This was my future. I could feel it in myarms.
This was what was about to happen to mybody.
I’d seen my doctor three days ago, and she’d confirmed that I was, indeed,pregnant.
Which meant that in about seven months from now, I’d be this big. And in seven months, I was supposed to be deep in a worldtour.
* * *
When I walkedinto Brody’s office, Seth shot up off the couch and offered his spot to me, moving over. I took the seat, and gave him a silent look. Seth was the kind of man who’d vacate a seat for a woman anyway, but now that he knew I was pregnant, the speed and eagerness with which he was opening doors for me and carrying my shit was getting a little tooobvious.
He’d even asked me, the other day, if my guitar was too heavy for me, and if maybe I should sit down toplay.
Right… Because I was gonna sit down to rock out on an electric bass at a concert. I’d almost cried laughing at that mental image, but Seth had been deeplyserious.
At least I knew he wanted thisbaby.
It made me wonder when, and how, we were gonna tell everyone about the pregnancy. Or if they were gonna figure it out on their own. Maybe that would be easier? Maybe I could just wait until I started toshow…?
How long could I hide a baby bump behind a guitar? Maybe if I strapped it on a littlehigher….
“… so Maggie’s filled you in, about the offer?” Brody was talking when I tuned into the conversation. His tone was all-business as he reclined in the chair behind his desk. His eyes were tight and guarded as he looked at Seth, but at least he was talking to him about something other than thepast.
Babysteps.
“We haven’t gotten there yet,” Sethsaid.
