I grabbed him and kissed him, and then I was tearing off his clothes again. I wanted him naked,neededhim naked, and on top of me, inside me. He pushed me back on the bed and I pulled him with me, grabbing the hard length of his cock in my hand and squeezing, making him groan. I wrapped my legs around him and took him inside me, urging him on with my hips until he was fuckingme.
We didn’t stop to use a condom. I was pregnant, anyway, so it hardly mattered. Seth didn’t know that, but he didn’t stop it,either.
He fucked me, hard and fast, against the bed, as I screamed and begged him for more. I wanted it rough and wild and nonsensical. I wanted to lose myself in him. Inthis…
He kept pounding into me as I clawed at him, and when I came, it was a screaming, back-arching explosion that spiked through me, from my core to my fingertips. He came with a feral growl, and moments later, as he shuddered and groaned with the aftershocks, he slid himself carefully out ofme.
Neither one of us said a thing about the lack of condom as we lay back on the bed, destroyed. But I knew he had to be thinking about it. Wondering why the fuck I’d let thathappen.
Why Iwantedit tohappen.
As I lay there panting at the ceiling, I whispered, “How did this happen?” The question was so loaded, I didn’t even know how to begin answering it myself. I wasn’t even talking about the condomsituation.
“I don’t know,” he said, quietly, his voice ragged. “All I know is that somewhere along the way, having you became more important to me than having the band back.” He rolled to face me. “But I won’t fuck up your life just so I can have you, Elle. I did that to a girl once, and it was wrong. So wrong, I’m still paying forit.”
He got out of bed and started getting dressed again. I knew he was talking about Jessa, and it crushed me that whatever was happening here feltthatbad tohim.
“You’re still leaving,” I said, and it came out as a half-sob. Tears started stinging in myeyes.
“Yes,” he said, without looking at me. “I’m leaving. It’s the bestthing.”
I sat there feeling helpless as he gotdressed.
Finally, he looked at me, sidelong, like it was painful to do it. “Are you gonna be okay?” He was choked up, and I knew what he needed me tosay.
But I couldn’t say it, even forhim.
“No, I’m not gonna be okay. How could I possibly beokay?”
His eyes flashed with tears. “They hate me, Elle. They fucking hate me and that’s never gonna change. You need to fucking acceptthat.”
“They don’t hate you,” I said calmly. “Zane does not hate you. Dylan does not hate you. I don’t even think Jessa hates you. And Jesse, he’s just protective of his sister. If she’s okay with you, he’ll comearound.”
“Even if a fucking miracle happens and that’s the case,” Seth said, “Brody is never gonna forgive me. You and I both knowthat.”
“Don’t,” I said, feeling the end coming, fast and painful. “Don’t walk out onme.”
“I’m not walking out on you,Elle.”
“Yes, youare.”
He took a breath and said, “I’m hurting you. If I go, I hurt you. If I stay, I hurt you. But if I stay, I hurt everyone else, too. I can’t do it. I can’t hurt you allanymore.”
I watched him walk out, but I didn’t followhim.
I didn’t go screaming and crying and begging him to stay. His mind was clearly made up. He thought he was doing the rightthing.
And as much as I wanted to be angry, to be devastated, I respected him forit.
That didn’t mean I was accepting himleaving.
It didn’t mean I was finished with him, in any way. Musically orpersonally.
And I knew, Iknewhe wasn’t finished with me,either.
I lay back on my bed as the tears dripped silently down my face. I placed my hands on my stomach and closed my eyes as I heard the front door closedownstairs.
My body still hummed from his touch. My heart was beating too fast, and I took a deep, calming breath, to slow itdown.
