She eyed me skeptically. “Okay. Excuse me if I’m missing something here, but have you looked in a mirrorlately?”
“Um…sure?”
“So… you’re telling me he likes that from afar? What the fuck’s wrong with up close? What does he have, an aversion to beauty orsomething?”
I smiled a little. “No. That part’s kind ofonme.”
“You’ve got an aversion to beauty? I know he’s my boss and all, but Brody’shawt, Jessa. I can say that because he’s not my type, so I’ve never been tempted to gothere.”
I grinned, curious. “What’syourtype?”
“Ugh,” she said, waving a dismissive hand in the air. “Walking disasters. Brody’s got his shit together. Apparently that doesn’t do it for me.” She frowned. “But we’re getting off topic here, and I’m still confused. What’s the problem with you andBrody?”
“Maybe the problem is that he’s got his shit together.” I sipped my wine, a bit of a lump in my throat; I really wasn’t used to this level of candor. I’d spent most of my life avoiding it. But I took a deep breath and plunged. “I’ve always been afraid that if I let him get close, he’ll decide he doesn’t want me anymore. You know… when he sees how not-together myshitis.”
Maggie frowned, clearly unimpressed with that line of thought. Not that I expected her to be anything else. “Look, you know I love you, hon,” she said, “but if you’re gonna sit here and sell me bullshit, I’m not reallybuying.”
Okay. That was about the last thing I expected hertosay.
“What do you mean,bullshit?”
“Oh, Jessa.” She sipped her wine. “You and I have always clicked,right?”
“We have,” Iagreed.
“But you never really let me in, and sometimes thatgets…old.”
“Sure I do,” Iprotested.
“No, you don’t. You keep me at a distance, just like you do everyone else. You tell me what you want me to know, let me see what you want me to see, and that is never the full picture. We’re all entitled to our privacy and our secrets, but Jessa, you hold yours in front of you like a shield and that is the bullshit Ispeakof.”
I shook my head slowly, processing that. “I never knew I did that. Only let you see certain stuff… that I used it like a wall. I mean, I know I’ve done that, at times, with people in the past. I didn’t know I was doing it now. With you.” I bit my lip. “I’m sorryforthat.”
“Well, isn’t honesty refreshing?” She shrugged. “I’m not much for bullshit. I get enough of thatfromZane.”
“Maggie. You give nothing but honesty. I’d expect no less, and I love you for it. Please don’t stop now, even if I give youbullshit.”
“Okay. Why don’t you tell me what you’ve been doing with yourself since the wedding. Before you went down to L.A. for yourshoot.”
“Hanging at Roni’s. And, you know, we’ve had a few girls’nights.”
“Uh-huh.”
“And I guess I’ll be seeing more of my brother. And Katie. I’m staying at theirplacenow.”
“Iheard.”
“And making music, a bit, as you know.” I took a swig of wine, fortifying myself, getting a feeling where this was going. “Spending a little time withBrody.”
“Uh-huh. And you’ve been dying to get back to modeling the whole time, right? Dying toleave?”
“Well…no.”
She threw her hands up, in the direction of the stained glass window. “Hallelujah,Jesus.”
I couldn’t helplaughing. “What?”
“It’s about time, is all.” She leaned over and handed me the bottle of wine so I could top up my own mug this time, which I did. Generously. “Look, Jessa. I’ve got no issue with your career of choice. You know that. While these other guys bitch and moan about you coming back to us, I figure you might as well rock the modeling thing while you can. I mean, you’ll have to choose a different path at some point, obviously, because no one wants to see a bikini model with crow’s-feet and sagging breasts, and that is the sadtruth.”
