“That what you wore toyourgrad?”
Her pretty mouth twitched downward at the corners. “What was I supposed to wear? Some fancydress?”
I didn’t give one fuck what she wore. What I gave a fuck about was why one of the skinny straps of her shirt was broken; she’d tied it in a knot to keep the whole thing fromfallingoff.
“Oh, I dunno. How was yourdate?” I pretty much spat the word at her. Yeah; definitely knew I sounded like a crazy jealous freak. So be it. “Yougetlaid?”
She cringed. “Don’t begross.”
“Isn’t that what high school kids do on their gradnight?”
“You’re drunk.” She eyed the bottle of Canadian Club in my hand. “Just leave italone,okay?”
I didn’t leave it alone. Iwasdrunk.
I didn’t normally drink much at band parties since I’d taken it upon myself, early on, to be the businessman of the group. The level-headed one, the man behind the band; the one who kept everyone else’s shit together. But that night was not a normal night, and I was drunker than I’d been in years. I was sloppy, messy, stupiddrunk.
“I mean, I wouldn’t know,” I went on. “Never went to my grad. You’ll have to correct me if I’mwrong.”
“I didn’t go with a date,” she said, hugging herself. “You have a good night?Yougetlaid?”
“Not yet.” I took a swig from the bottle of rye, staring her down. “Who gave you that ugly fuckingcorsage?”
“Mybrotherdid!”
“Yeah? He rip your shirt getting at yourtitstoo?”
She turned on her heel and disappeared into the crowd, and I let her go. I had nothing else to say to heranyway.
Jessa Mayes could go fuck every horny little prick in that high school for all I cared, and she could go fuck herself while she wasatit.
I didn’t even keep tabs on her for the rest of the night like I usually would. At least, after a while, I stopped. The last I saw her she was in the kitchen, doing shots with Jesse and Zane—a totally fucking rare sight, but maybe they were finally starting to accept the fact that she was a woman and not a little girl anymore. Though I could understand it was difficult to swallow that point when she acted like such a goddamn spoiled brat allthetime.
God, I fuckingmissedher.
I missed hanging out with her, just getting up to shit. She used to be so fuckingfun. And she used to like hanging out with me. Long ago, before we’d had that first kiss under the tree out at that party, and for a while afterward… we were friends. And she used to flirt with me likecrazy.
And I fucking ate thatshitup.
At first, I’d thought the way she went out of her way to touch me all the time was to irritate her brother. The two of them were always bickering and battling for control, Jesse still fighting the fact that she was growing up and getting a mind of her own, that she wasn’t always gonna be that little girl who’d followed him around and did exactly what he said. And him seeing her sitting next to me, her leg draped across my lap or her arm slung around my neck, whispering in my ear, was sure to get her unceremoniously thrown out of whatever room wewerein.
How long had it been since she’d donethatshit?
SinceSeth.
Or maybe earlier than that; maybe since her mom died, and she seemed to lose her sense ofhumor.
Somewhere near three a.m. and the bottom of my bottle, I decided I should find her toapologize.
Christy had left a while ago because she had to work in the morning. I was mildly disappointed I wouldn’t get to fuck her while I was thinking about Jessa, which was also a relief, because even I knew the frequency with which I was doing that was getting reallyfuckedup.
Christy and I had become official about half a year ago—when I’d told myself to stop waiting for Jessa. Which was right around the time I’d pretty much stopped talkingtoher.
But not talking to her didn’t mean I didn’t think about her, all thefuckingtime.
When I’d hooked back up with Christy, it had been over a year since Jessa’s mom had died and shit had fallen apart for her; I knew it had. I’d tried to be there for her and somehow give her the space she needed. She’d turned sixteen before her mom died, and that year I’d given her to decide she was ready to be with me? It had run way thefuckout.
But I wasn’t gonna pressure her to hook up with me; not in the midst of what she was goingthrough.
