She chewed on her flushed bottom lip. She was still gripping my neck, her chest heaving against mine. “I’m not doinganything.”
“Like hell,you’renot.”
“What am Idoing?”
“I don’t know, but it feels bloody familiar. You. Wasted. Wrapping yourself around me.” I still had her by her hips, my fingers digging into her. Afraid to let her go even as my words pushed her away. “How many times did you climb into my bed after some party? You drove me fucking crazy.” I pressed into her, grinding myself into her softness, unable to stop. “Let me guess. You’re just waiting for my balls to turn blue before you put thebrakeson.”
She pulled back, releasing me. “I was young and immature,Brody.”
“You were old enough to know what the fuck you weredoing.”
She struggled in my grasp, trying to break away, but I held her. I wasn’t letting go. “You think that’s who I am?” she asked, still struggling. “That’s who I want to be? The girl who left? The girl who just up and leaves everybodyhanging?”
“That’s who you were,” I said. “Who the hell else am I supposed to think you wanttobe?”
She stared at me, her glassy eyes getting glassier as they gleamed with tears. Then she whispered, “It’s your shirt. Your Zeppelin shirt. You were right. I’ve been wearing it foryears.”
Jesus.
Not something I ever expected her to say. I didn’t even know what to do with it. “Jessa—”
“Shit! I left it down on the dock. I have togetit!”
I caught her as she tried to eject herself from the counter and set her back down. “Yeah, not happening. You are not gonna ruin Jesse’s wedding because you got swept out to sea over a fucking T-shirt.”
She shook her head slowly. “You’re still madatme.”
I pulled away, letting her go as the blood crept back into my brain. “Yes, I’m mad at you. You ran out on everyone, Jessa. You should’ve seen what that did to Jesse. To the band. What it didtoSeth—”
“Don’t.”
She pushed past me, stumbling off the counter, and reached to shut off the bath water, which was about to overflow. “You can go now,” she said as she started to step into the tub, still wearing her panties and bra. “I’llbefine.”
“Fuck. That,” I spat out. She stood there, blinking at me as I stalked over to the tub. “I waited for you foryears.I gave youeverythingI had to give. I gave you all the space in the fucking universe, and all I wanted was for you to bepresent. In my life. And you refused to givemethat.”
She sank into the bath withoutaword.
“I was mad,” I went on, “because you fuckingleft. Because every time I came home you were gone, and anytime we were in the same city you were too busy to see me. Because whenever I called you, you didn’t answer, and you never returned my calls. I was mad because I had to have a relationship with your voicemail for six-and-a-half fuckingyears.”
She looked up at me, her eyes pink-rimmed. “So you’re just never going to forgive me, isthatit?”
“You broke myheart!”
I shouted it at her, hurled it at her with all the anger and frustration I still felt, just raging beneath thesurface.
She stared at me, looking kind of stunned. She shook her head. Then she laughed, a humorless laugh. She stood up in the tub and pointed at me. “What’s it been, a decade?” she said, shoving her finger in my face. “Since you stood there, you stood right there in front of me and said you’d wait for me. And thenIsaw youwith ChristyRempel.”
“Right,” I said. “You have a really fucking selective memory if that’s the way you remember things going down. I told you I’d wait for you, Jessa, and I did. I didn’t say I’d be a fucking monk while Ididit.”
“AndItold you that waiting for someone forever is a bad,badidea.”
“Yeah, because you saw it in some bullshit movie. And that’s where you live, in a fucking movie, between the lyrics of a fucking song, Jessa, because you sure as fuck don’t live herewithme.”
“I told you not to waitforme!”
“AndI told youI was in lovewithyou.”
She drew her head back, like I’d slapped her. Probably should’ve; I fucking wanted to. “Youdidnot.”
