How the hell I’d gotten in as many punches as I did before they tore him away? Pure adrenaline. And he didn’t fight back. They all told measmuch.
Seth didn’t hitme.Once.
I hadn’t seen him, but I’d heard he was doing fine. Broken nose, and he definitely wasn’t looking as pretty as usual, buthe’dheal.
The worst of the damage would be the shit no onecouldsee.
Jude had gone to have that talk with him. He’d bring Piper in if he thought it was necessary, but apparently Seth had no interest in pressing charges. He’d asked to speak with me, but I’ddeniedhim.
No interest in talking to himagain.Ever.
Dirty had just made him a formal offer and he’d accepted, but it wasn’t irreversible. There was a whole lot of shit in that contract that, for the band’s protection, stated in plain fucking English that Seth could and would be terminated for any drug-related issues. What “drug-related issues” meant was open for interpretation, and we’d purposely left it wide-the-fuck-open.
I’d say getting our underage lyricist hooked on pills at sixteen, behind all our backs, totally fucking qualified as a breach of that contract. I was also pretty fucking sure our lawyers could argue that point if Seth decided to have a problemwithit.
My guess was he wouldn’t fight it. If Dirty didn’t want him, he really had no legs to stand on to mount any kind of battle. He had no rights in the music like the rest of them did, thank Christ, and like the first time he was dismissed, he’d just crawl away anddisappear.
And good fuckingriddance.
Now I could get back to doing my job, and doing it right this time. Because it was my job to take care of everyone, look out for them, and I’d totally fuckingfailed.
I just couldn’t believe I hadn’t seen it. Had a lot of time in bed these last few days, just laying there, to think it over.Andover.
It definitely wasn’t overnight, what happened with Jessa after her mom died. It was a gradual change, and everyone saw it. Elle had tried to talk to her about it back then, but got nowhere. Jesse tried too. A lot. He and I had almost come to blows over it, one dark night, a longtimeago.
“What the fuck did you dotoher?”
“Nothing. I loved her.” It was the first and only time I’d admitted that to him, and he didn’t look happyaboutit.
“What happened betweenyoutwo?”
“Nothinghappened.”
“Then why won’t she talk to you? Why won’t she talktome?”
“I don’t fucking know. Don’t you think if I knew I’d be doing everything in my power tofixit?”
And I would be. From this day on. Doing every fucking thing in mypower.
* * *
Iopenedmy eyes to find Jessa’s soft shadow melting over the grass toward me. She sat down next to me inthedusk.
“Hi,”shesaid.
“Hey.”
She looked at me with that concerned expression she’d been wearing since I came home from the hospital. She brushed my hair gently from my face, fussing over me. I just stared at her—her slim eyebrows pinched together, her full lips slightly puckered, the worry in her brown eyes—as the last rays of the setting sun spun golden light across her face, and I felt that thing I’d always felt when I was closetoher.
Wonder.
“How’syourhead?”
“Better,” I said. “Was just restingmyeyes.”
Shefrowned.
“I’ve beenthinking—”
