“Oh, Christ. Don’t remind me of that bullshit. I haven’t had anything to drink yettoday.”
“Sorry,” I said, blowing on my tea. “I don’t think being over the moon has ever been our problem,though.”
“Then what thehellis?”
I hesitated. “Just… stuff. Stuff we never talked about but we need to. And I don’t know how it’ll change things when we do.” I knew it would change things, but somewhere along the way I’d gone from believing he’d want nothing to do with me once I told him the truth, to thinking that maybe if I just fucked him enough he’doverlookit.
Stupid. Brody had never been that guy—the one who let his dick make his decisions. But I was gettingdesperate.
I sipped my mint tea, breathing in the fragrant steam, letting it calm my nerves. “Frankly, Maggie… I’m scared to fuckingdeath.”
“Yeah,” she said. “I see that.” She looked momentarily contemplative, even sad. Then she said, “Fuck it. Life’s too short. You need to talk to him. Talk to him about everything, even the shit you’re most scared to.Especiallythat shit. You talk to him and he’s not cool with it, nothing changes. You go about your separate lives and he still holds a grudge or whatever the fuck he feels he needs to do in that man-brain of his. On the other hand, you talk to him and he’s understanding, maybe you talk it through. Either way you win, because you faced your demons head on, and that takes the kind of courage you can’t turnbackfrom.”
“Yeah. You’re right,” I said. “I know it. I just haven’t found the courage. That’s all it is. I’m a hugecoward.”
Maggie sipped her tea in silence for aminute.
“You know, Jessa… Brody’s been acting like a grumpy-ass, grunting bear since you came back,” she said. “I’ve never seen him like this. I’ve also never seen him serious about anyone else. He’s kind of a serial monogamist; always has some girlfriend around, but they never last long, and he never seems that into them. Like he smiles more when he’s with the guys, you know? It’s like he’s the kind of guy who wants to be in love, but he never finds anyone to feel that way about. That’s gotta be by choice. It’s not like he hasn’t met a crapload of available women since you’ve been gone. On the road, they’re like horny bees swarming on honey, on all the guys—Brodyincluded.”
“Maybe you just don’t know?” I said, not loving that image; really, it was unlikely that Maggie knew everything about Brody’s love life,right?
Maggie fixed her no-bullshit gray eyes on me when she said, “Maybe he’s waiting for you,Jessa.”
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Jessa
In the end,I took Maggie’sadvice.
It had been hours, anyway, since I left Seth in that cafe. The sun had gone down. And I hadn’t heard a word fromanyone.
If Seth had told the band right away, like I advised him to, I would’ve heard somethingbynow.
“Nothing?” I asked Maggie for like the dozenth time as we both checked ourphones.
She shook her head. “Sorry,hon.”
Moments later, Brody knocked on the door. I’d messaged to let him know where I was. I’d also apologized for getting caught up and missing dinner. He’d come straight over like I’d asked him to, and when Maggie let him in his eyes cut straight to me where I was sitting on thecouch.
“Were you leaving?” he demanded as he came thundering over. His face looked slightly windburned from racing here on his bike, and he looked off-put… frazzled. I’d worried himagain.
Guess my little note with all the hearts didn’tcutit.
“Iwasn’t—”
“You’re notleaving.”
“No,” I said calmly. “I wasn’tleaving.”
“You want me to fight for you?” His voice was rising, like I hadn’t even spoken. “This is me, fighting.You are not fuckingleaving.”
Shit. He was really wound up, and that stupid inability to get my thoughts out of my mouth whenever he was around, and pissed at me, kicked in, and I started struggling to find the words to defend myself—when Maggie cutrightin.
“Just shut up and listen,” she said. “I’ll put her in my car and drive her to the airport myself if you wanna keep acting like a crazy deranged bear with a firecracker upitsass.”
That got Brody’s attention. I kind of doubted Maggie laid into him like that very often.Orever.
He stood back, clawed a hand through his hair and took a breath. Then he shot Maggie, who was still hovering between us, adarklook.
