“A countdown. I like it already.”
“Wait for it.”
“I’m waiting.”
I gathered my breath, laughed, making him grin, then drew a breath again, smacking his arm when he laughed. “Wait!” I gave it my breathiest, most girlie voice. “’Is Zane here?’”
Jesse laughed, loud. “Shit. That’s bang on. I would’ve thought that one was higher than number five though.”
“Nope.”
“So what’s my answer to that question?”
“Like you don’t know.”
“Just wanna see if you’re paying attention.”
“Well, you handle it quite well, actually, with grace and charm. Usually with some sort of casual deflection. My favorite was when you said, ’If you see him, tell him he owes me five bucks.’”
“He does owe me five bucks.”
“Number four. ’How can I get backstage?’”
“Right.”
“Though there are several variations on this one, including ’Where’s the party after the show?’ and ’I’ll do anything to get backstage.’”
“Oh, my.”
“Yep. But I’ve figured out that all of the above are just groupie code.”
“Groupie code?”
“Uh-huh. For ’Please fuck me tonight.’”
“Wow.”
“Like you didn’t know. Sadly, for the groupies, you also deflect this question. Onto Jude. Who doles out the backstage passes as he sees fit, depending on his mood.”
“Lucky Jude.”
“Lucky road crew. What the groupies don’t know is that Jesse Mayes, while horny as fuck after a show, does not fraternize with groupies backstage. However, some of his crew do.”
“Consolation dick?”
I laughed and wrapped my legs around his hips as he pressed in closer. “Number three. ’I totally love you.’ This one weirds me out a little. I think this comes from the ladies who would actually love it if you’d father their love child, even though they don’t actually know you.”
“I do have an incredible amount of children scattered across the globe.”
“Gross.” I gave him my most unimpressed look. “Number two. ’Will you sign my…’ insert naked body part here.”
“That is a popular one.”
“I’ve actually come to respect this one. I’ve noticed that the girls who ask this question have come prepared, marker in hand, and have pretty much accepted the fact that you’renotgoing to fuck them, so they take the opportunity to have you rub the tip of a felt marker on their flesh, usually their breasts or their butt crack, while they bend over provocatively, as a three-second substitute.”
“The ultimate quickie?”
“It’s all very ejaculatory, if you think about it.”
