“I’m not defending him,” he said. He licked his lips in the same casually seductive way he’d done at the video shoot, which made me wonder if he even noticed he did it. “Just pointing out it takes courage to say a thing like that. And a man who would leave you at the altar, babe, he doesn’t have that kind of courage.”
“Yeah.”
I turned away and took a breath. Time to get my shit together before I fell on Jesse Mayes’ dick and ended up just one of the many horny drunk chicks he’d probably fucked and forgotten. I needed a libido killer, and Josh would do just fine. Jesse was right. My ex was not a man of courage. Or integrity. Why hadn’t I just seen that sooner?
It’s not as if there weren’t any warning signs.
“It’s not all his fault, though. The truth is that he started walking out on me long before that. And I just let it happen. I never said a thing to him, either. I just kept pretending it wasn’t happening.” Maybe I was ashamed of that most of all. Not the fool he’d made of me, but the fool I’d been long before that humiliating day in his parents’ church.
“Why?”
“Because.” I forced myself to look at Jesse again, wishing he might somehow understand without me having to admit it. “Because I thought he was the king shit. I thought…”
“You thought…?”
“I thought I’d never do better than him.”
Oh, God. It sounded horrendous coming out of my mouth. Mostly because it was true.
“Let me tell you, Katie Bloom, you can do a hell of a lot better.”
I avoided Jesse’s gaze. Why did he have to go saying things like that and being all decent and cool? Why couldn’t he just be a stupid, slutty rock star who was impossible to take seriously?
Why did he have to go and become real?
“I know,” I said softly, trying not to get choked up. “I mean, I know that now.”
“Do you?”
I knew there were tears forming in my eyes because my vision was swimming. I covered it by slamming back the last of my drink. “He doesn’t,” I said. “I guess that’s the thing that still bothers me, you know? I got over the sting of his very public rejection. I got over the humiliation. I even let go of the anger I felt at him, at myself. I thought I did. I learned to live with the fact that we’d both made mistakes. But seeing him tonight… the way he looked at me…” I trailed off in search of the words. I scanned Jesse’s gorgeous face, his famous face, and for a second I saw what Josh must have seen. “At first I thought it just pissed him off when he saw me in that video because he couldn’t stand seeing me happy. But that wasn’t it. He just couldn’t stand seeing me with you.” I blinked back the tears and focused hard on those mysterious dark eyes. “He doesn’t think I’m worth it. He doesn’t think I’m good enough for all of this.” I gestured grandly and a little drunkenly at the exquisite bar.For you, I could have added, but I didn’t.
“And you think he’s right?”
“I don’t know.”Don’t say it, some small part of me that sounded a hell of a lot like Devi whispered, deep down in some tiny back room of my heart.Don’t show him. He doesn’t need to know how broken you are.“Maybe I fear he’s right.”
I really should’ve called it a night. Like, immediately. Gone up to my room and drunk dialed my best friend. The only person who could be trusted to witness me like this and not judge.
By now Jesse Mayes was probably trying to figure out how to rescind the entire offer, kick me the hell off his pant leg and hightail it out of here.
But he didn’t move.
He sipped his second drink, slowly, savoring it. Then he put the empty glass down, stared at the melting ice a moment, and turned to me.
“I’m going to tell you something now and you’re going to wait until I finish so you don’t take it personally.”
“Sure.” I picked up my own glass and busied myself crunching on the ice, avoiding that magnetic stare.
“The guys in the band, both bands, actually, and Brody, even Maggie, don’t think this is a good idea. Me and you. Bringing you on tour.”
I glanced at him. “And this is supposed to help convince me?”
He cocked his head a little, flashing his charming grin. “I didn’t know I was still convincing you.”
I started polishing off my second swordful of cherries.
“If you want out, Katie, I’m not going to hold it against you,” he said. “I’m not gonna twist your arm. I’ll give you tonight to think things over. It’s only fair. There was a lot of pressure on you tonight. All these new people, your ex-fiancé showing up. The media. And you’re looking like you could use some time to sleep it all off.” I noticed he politely omitted my current state of intoxication from that assessment. “So. Here’s what we do.” He leaned in a little, his shoulder nudging mine. “I’m taking you up to bed.”
Heat raced through my blood. I looked up into his eyes. Maybe he hadn’t meant that as dangerously as it sounded, but I really couldn’t tell. The man was impossible to read, unless he was overtly flirting, which he didn’t seem to be doing just now. Still, the butterflies in my stomach did a drunken twirl.
