“I just saw the look on my face in that photo,” she said, “and I remembered how it felt when he kissed me. And there it was, staring me in the face, and worse, it was out there for all the world to see.”
“What was?”
“It’s hard to explain. I was so confused, Jesse. When he kissed me, I shouldn’t have felt anything but anger, or disgust or annoyance. And I did feel those things.” She looked at me, and it cracked my heart a little, the uncertainty and the disappointment on her face. “I feltconfused. It was like everything we’d had was in that kiss. All the questions and memories and the good times and all the shit, five years of our lives, all rolled up in one kiss, and I felt sad. And sorry for him. And flattered, which is truly pathetic. And kind of glad.” She sniffled. “Glad that he wanted me again.”
“Babe, you have history. And he broke your heart.”
“I didn’t want him to break my heart.”
“No one wants a broken heart, sweetheart.”
“I mean, I wished that I’d never given him that power. I know I pretend I’m over it, but I think I still hate him because it makes it easier to pretend he didn’t hurt me. That he wasn’t ever someone who amazed me and thrilled me and put a smile on my face. That he wasn’t ever the man of my dreams. Or at least, the man I thought was the man of my dreams.”
I knew I had to tell her then. Tell her the truth about Josh. But I hesitated. I could stand the kick in the stomach of jealousy when she talked about him like that, but I couldn’t take her suffering thinking he was such a good guy.
“Babe, Josh was the one who gave that image to the press.”
She nodded. “I know.”
Damn. Didn’t expect that. Why she wasn’t more pissed off about it, I wasn’t sure. But maybe it was a good sign. A sign that she was finally putting it to rest. “Then you know that he wanted you to see it. He wanted me to see it. He wanted you to feel everything you’re feeling right now.”
It was true. The guy was still trying to fuck with her. And I could send Jude to take care of that. That part wasn’t a problem. The problem was how it was making Katie feel, which was like shit, apparently.
I moved closer, until we were inches apart. I wanted to touch her so fucking bad.
I didn’t know if she wanted me to touch her.
“When things like this happen,” I told her, “it’s often the people around you that you need to look at. It’s not always the paparazzi. It’s people who have access, and a motive beyond just making a quick buck.” I smoothed her hair out of her eye and let my fingers trail down her cheek. “Most of the time the things they say about you, the ones that really hurt, are the ones that are true.”
She peered up at me, looking defeated. “So what do you do about it?”
“You keep good people around you and you live your life. And you don’t apologize to anyone for being who you are.”
“That’s it?”
“That’s all that really matters.”
She looked at me and nodded. “You’re good at it,” she said softly.
It didn’t feel like a compliment.
She turned and walked away. She went to the windows overlooking the patio and the water below. Beyond, the downtown skyline glimmered in the lowering sun as dusk neared.
I could see her face reflected, faintly, in the glass, shimmering with the motion of the water beyond. I tried to read the look in her eyes but I couldn’t, so I moved to stand behind her. I inhaled her sweet scent, deep. I put my hands on her shoulders and felt her take a deep breath.
“The thing is…” she said, “…I thought I loved Josh. I did love him, Jesse, at least some of the time we were together. And when he cut me loose, in public, it was really painful. I guess I didn’t want to be a part of putting someone else through that. That’s why I went to see Elle.”
With every word she said, I only admired her more. She was so fucking strong and she didn’t even know it. I turned her to face me. I wrapped her in my arms and lowered my head until my forehead touched hers. “You’re a sweetheart, Katie Bloom.”
She took a breath, maybe in surprise, maybe to say something, but I kissed her before she could. Long and deep, until my toes fucking curled. When she drew away and bit her lip, I said, “Been waiting to do that all day.” Which was an understatement. Kissing her was all I’d wanted to do since she walked out in L.A..
I admired her for sticking to her principles, for fighting for who she was, even though it hurt like hell watching her walk out the door.
“Jesse.” She pulled back a bit, but held onto my arms. “I’m sorry for how I left. I just needed some room to breathe, to figure out how I feel.” She shook her head and let me go, taking a step away. “No, that’s not true.” She crossed her arms over her stomach. “I know how I feel. I know exactly how I feel. I just… I couldn’t stand it any longer not knowing howyoufeel.”
Right.
I pretty much got that by now, and I knew what I wanted to say. But the words didn’t come fast enough and she turned away.
