Following him to the car, I start to feel massive anxiety. I could’ve just ordered an Uber rather than subjecting myself to this car ride, but I need him to know I’m done. I can't keep going back to Kazimir and feeling this guilt. The longer I put myself in this position, the more likely it is he finds out I'm pregnant, and that can't happen.
The first Volyn grandchild and a possible heir to the Kuzin throne is a death warrant on my baby's head. I won't let him or her grow up in that world. I have some thinking to do.
We get in the car and drive in silence for a few blocks and Bogdan breaks first. "We need to talk about how we're going to use this." His words make my gut tight with anger.
"I'm not using my pregnancy as a weapon. Do you understand me? I only slept with him for?—"
"You didn't sleep with him for fun, Zora. You're sleeping with him because this family sent you to do a job." He turns a corner and checks his mirrors. "A Kuzin baby changes the entire equation. We can use it to manipulate Kazimir's decisions, to force his hand on business dealings, to create obligations he can't walk away from."
"Or we could never tell him I’m pregnant." I'm fuming, ready to belt the shit out of him. How dare he assume decision making power over my life like this.
"That's not one of the options." He glances at me. "This is too good to pretend it's not happening. You can't just flake because the job got hard, Zora."
"What about the option where I decide what happens with my own body and my own child?" I'm starting to doubt my own sanity and my own loyalties. What if I tell Kazimir that I’m pregnant, tell him my brothers found a way to manipulate me? I could lie and tell him I had no idea they were doing it.
But I’m horrible at lying directly. Everything I've done was an indirect lie made easy because I do like Kaz. A lot.
"You decided what happened with your body when you got into bed with him without protection. Now we're dealing with the consequences." I can't believe how coldhearted he's being. "This isn't a conversation about your feelings, Zora. This is a conversation about the family's position."
Tears rise in my eyes and I can't stop them from slipping down my cheeks. He doesn’t deserve the satisfaction of seeing me cry, but here I am bawling like a child. It has to be the pregnancy hormones, because I never let myself be this emotional, especially in front of him.
I never signed up for any of this, and he's taking it way too far. "He told me he loves me," I say, and I feel sick to my stomach thinking about the look in Kazimir's eyes when he said it.
Bogdan chuckles darkly. "Of course he did."
"He means it." I snap my head to look at him as he sits there smirking.
"I'm sure he does." He drums his thumbs on the steering wheel. "That makes him easier to control. A man in love will do things a rational man won't. And if he wants that baby, imagine what he'll be willing to go through to get it. It's not time to get sentimental."
"I'm not sentimental."
"You're defending a man who's supposed to be a target… You got in too deep, and now it's hurting you and you don't realize it only gets worse." For a second, I think I see his face soften, but I would never believe anything sympathetic that comes out of his mouth even if he tried.
"I'm not doing this anymore," I tell him. "I'm done."
Bogdan shakes his head and says, "Excuse me?"
"I saw what your men did to him at the airport. Kazimir's face looks like it went through a windshield." I strengthen my resolve and continue. "I didn't sign up to destroy him, Bogdan. I signed up to help weaken their organization’s trust in him."
"You signed up to do what this family needs you to do." He pulls to a stop at a red light and grabs my bicep hard. I yelp and try to pull away, but he only pinches harder. "And what this family needs is for you to finish the job."
"I don't want to do this anymore. You have to understand this is crossing a line for me." I am almost whimpering, pleading with him to let me out of this job. Can't he see how bad this is hurting me?
"Then you're no longer useful to this family in the role you're in. And if you're not useful in this role, we find you a different one." He turns back to the road as the light changes, letting go of my arm. "There are three families in the east who've been asking about marriage alliances…"
"You're threatening to marry me off if I don't use a child as a weapon?" The threat feels like a gut punch. I reel in shock and stare at him, not believing what I'm hearing.
"Only if you decide you're too good for this job." He accelerates through the intersection, but now there's a rigid glare on his face. I can't even find the words to describe how fucked up this is.
I don't have words to respond so I lean my seat back and rest my head. Normally, when Bogdan does stupid, hurtful things, I talk to Alisa about it. She's my rescue and the only source of comfort I have most of the time. But this isn't something I can tell her about. If she learns I'm pregnant, she will worry I’m rushing in, but she'll assume I'm happy and in love. And if she learns the truth, she'll never speak to me again.
Besides the guilt of what I'm doing to Kazimir, I can't let her down either, so all of this has to stay my secret. Except it's killing me.
"I'm not your enemy. I'm your brother. And I'm trying to give you the best possible outcome in a situation that doesn't have a lot of good ones," he says as he pulls up in front of my apartment. Then he tries to grab my arm, but I pull it free and open the door and get out. He calls my name one more time, but I'm already walking toward the building and I don't turn around.
This is bullshit. Why did I ever think my brothers cared about me? All they care about is their agenda and making money. I'm just collateral damage to them, not their little sister whom they should protect.
Maybe I just need to come clean to Kazimir and let the chips fall where they may. At least he would know what my brothers are up to.
