Cyren tilted her head to the side, more intrigued now. “Hmm. Okay. Tell me more,” she said, and they laughed.
While Cyren showered, Gabi caught her up on all things concerning Mr. Nineties Fine, distracting Cyren from her own thoughts. The conversation easily bounced from one topic to the next with messy details and random side stories that were theperfect distraction. They’d get off topic, then circle back to the beginning.
By the time Cyren stepped out, wrapped in a towel, Gabi had already transitioned into her workout. She got a warmup in and was now lifting weights with Cyren in her headphones. She didn’t care what they were talking about at this point; she just wanted to make sure her girl was good.
“Hello?” Gabi asked between breaths, with her voice slightly strained.
“I’m still here,” Cyren replied, squeezing toothpaste out to brush her teeth. “You sound like you’re struggling over there.”
“I am,” Gabi shot back, letting out a short laugh before resetting her stance. “It’s leg day. You already know what time it is.”
She did. As a former athlete herself, Cyren knew just how intense leg days could get. Finished brushing her teeth, Cyren pumped facial cleaner into her palm. The shower helped wash away some of the heaviness and loosen the tightness in her body.
While she washed her face, Cyren wished she had someone to tag along with her for the day. Her first thought was to ask Skylar, if she was even home, but that thought quickly vanished. It would’ve been nice to connect with her cousin since they were both grieving, but Cyren wasn’t in the mood to debate and argue. Especially not today.
Two months into living with them, Cyren realized she could have stayed living in Georgia. The loneliness she felt was something she had to get used to, but that didn’t mean it was a good feeling. Aunt Nia didn’t want her away by herself, telling her she could use the company, which was weird because Skylar lived there, too. At first, Cyren thought maybe they hadn’t been as close as she and her mom were, and then it hit her. Grief changes all things, including relationships.
“Are you coming home before practice starts for the season?” Cyren asked, now rubbing body oil into her damp skin.
Gabi grabbed her tumbler of water and took a long swig before nodding. “Yes. Sometime next month. I lowkey want to pig out for Thanksgiving because I know it’ll be the last time I can eat like shit.”
“As much as you work out, I’m sure it doesn’t affect much.”
Wiping the sweat from her forehead with the back of her wrist, Gabi huffed out a breath. “Trust me, it does. You hear how out of breath I am right now? Blame it on that double cheeseburger with bacon and loaded fries I had yesterday.”
Snickering, Cyren shook her head. As a professional volleyball player, Gabi was one of the most in-shape women Cyren knew. Those early mornings for conditioning, watching film, doing drills, and lifting weren’t optional for her. Discipline was a lifestyle, and Gabi loved it. Cyren had loved it too at one point, but not enough to go pro. College volleyball was all she had in her, and then life happened. Like it always did.
“That’s okay. A little cheat meal here and there is worth it,” Cyren said, just as her stomach growled, loudly.
Gabi froze mid-movement and whispered, “I know that was not your stomach.”
Laughing, Cyren nodded. “I told you I haven’t eaten anything! Talking about burgers and shit woke my appetite up.”
“Well good! That’s what we want anyway,” Gabi replied, satisfied. “Have you thought about what you want to do today?”
Noting the time on her phone, Cyren realized it was well into the evening, and rush hour traffic was in full effect. The day was practically over, but that wasn’t going to stop her. Thankfully, her aunt lived in an area with plenty of restaurants and stores to shop.
“I’ll probably just grab some food and come back home,” Cyren answered, stepping inside her walk-in closet.
The weather was so unpredictable and unusually warm for the season at seventy-five, but she wasn’t complaining. All that meant was that she could throw something light on and be comfortable. Knowing whatever restaurant she went to would be a bit chilly, she grabbed a light-yellow knitted cardigan and a cute pair of distressed Bermuda shorts. The cardigan was cropped just enough to show a sliver of her stomach. Accessorizing with gold earrings and her gold Cristal 28 set from JBW, Cyren kept it simple. The gel faded yellow Asics trainers made the outfit look sporty but chic. And they were comfy enough to do some running around in if she decided to hit the stores.
“Okay, outfit,” Gabi hyped, immediately approving what she saw when Cyren flipped the camera toward the full-length mirror. “Hips poking, waist, waist-ing.”
Chuckling, Cyren turned to the side, giving herself a once-over. “I know, right. And my ass is coming back, too.”
“It is,” Gabi agreed without hesitation.
Grief was a bitch Cyren wished she could’ve put her hands on. It didn’t come with a navigation guide. Some days, she felt as if she were steering the beast with her eyes closed, with no destination in mind. The first year after losing her mama, food became her comfort. It was the only thing that filled the space, even if only temporarily. She gained twenty pounds, maybe more, but her height carried it well enough that most people didn’t notice.
By year two, liquor replaced her meals. Her appetite disappeared like it never existed. Not eating wasn’t intentional. She just couldn’t. Physically and mentally, it was too much. The weight fell off in waves, but her face held onto it.
Aunt Nia was going through her own battles, but she noticed the depressive state her niece was in and practically forced her to move back. Cyren couldn’t put up a fight even if she wanted to.She was finally back to eating at least twice a day and promised to check herself when she felt like she was slipping back into the dark space. It was hard to escape it, especially when you didn’t have anyone there helping pull you out.
Pain had taken more from her than she liked to admit. At one point, it felt like it tookher. Piece by piece, she lost parts of herself just trying to survive it all. The things she loved, the way she laughed without thinking, how easily she used to care. All of it faded to the background. The hardest part was trying to find her way back to what used to be.
She was trying, though. That had to count for something. It was why her love for Aunt Nia and Gabi was endless. Their pain wasn’t the same as hers, but they never let that stop them from showing up.
“I’m glad you see it,” Cyren said, giving her booty a smack. It wasn’t as plump as it used to be, but it still sat up nicely and had some jiggle to it. Stepping out of her closet, she placed her shoes by the bed and went back inside the bathroom.
