She shrugged. “Twenty-eight is still good. Way better than when you first came in. Everything will be okay.”
I nodded, sucking in a breath, and leaned back into Bolo’s protective embrace. “Then let’s do it.” As if I had any choice in the matter.
She pretty much confirmed that with her next words. “Good. This is happening within the hour.”
It took a bit longer thanks to some additional tests to make sure my body was ready. But it was. It was telling us that this needed to happen soon. Today.
Worry hung over Bolo like a worn cloak, but he did his best not to show it. I tried, too. We were trying to be each other’s rocks and both of us were terrified of losing the little life we’d created. He had an extra worry. He could lose me, too.
Most of the effects of pre-eclampsia dissipate with delivery of the placenta. I remembered that from before. That organ, that was supposed to supplement and care for your baby while they were inside of you, was the cause of all of this. It had failed and now it needed to come out. But things could always go wrong.
Bolo was a fortress. We weren’t talking much because we were both scared and staying quiet seemed to help. But we listened as the anesthesiologist came in and explained what would happen.
“Do you have any questions?” the anesthesiologist asked. He was really nice. Every time he spoke, he repeated his name and told me he was here with us. It might have seemed weird, but between the effects of the mag drip, how shitty I was feeling thanks to my body working overtime, and the quickness with which everything was happening, I was glad I didn’t have to remember something as trivial as his name. And him reminding me he was here with me, every step of the way, really was reassuring.
“No, I don’t have any question,” I told him with a small smile. “I’m ready.”
“Good,” he said, patting my hand. “We’ll wheel you into the operating room in your bed. You don’t need to walk.” I’d been starting to sit up so I could get out of bed. I laid back again. “I’ll be back in a few minutes and we’ll get you over to the OR.”
“Okay.”
The nurses took over from there and explained that Bolo would need to wait in the hall outside the OR while they prepped me for the operation. He was solid and strong, letting the information flow over him like waves over rocks. He wasn’t budging. He answered their questions as they came. Yes, he wanted to be there during the operation. Yes, he wanted to go with the baby once he was born—we’d discussed that beforehand, I’d have doctors, nurses, and my mother waitingthere for me on the other side. I wanted him to be there for our boy so he wasn’t alone. Our son had his own struggles coming and he needed someone there with him.
Our sweet son would never be alone, ever. Not with a father like Bolo. He’d have him no matter what, and more uncles than he could count thanks to the MC. Nothing would stand between Bolo and our son. There may be things my incredible biker couldn’t stop, but our son would never face them alone.
I was feeling incredibly introspective right now. Probably because this was the most terrifying thing I’d ever done. I’d gone into burning buildings and saved lives. Yet I’d never been this scared. It was because the fear wasn’t for myself. It was for my baby. For Bolo. For my family.
I could only hope we both made it out of this surgery. They did these surgeries every day, and usually they weren’t so urgent. But thanks to my heart and kidneys being affected they weren’t sure how I was going to do. I had to put all my trust in the medical staff here, and there was nothing I could do to help. I was sure Bolo was feeling even more helpless than I was.
CHAPTER 40
Devyn
Bolo came over and sat on the bed again, hugging me close. “I love you, Devyn.”
“I love you, too.”
We sat like that until the nurses came back. I wasn’t sure if time was racing, slowed down, or going at a normal rate. Everything seemed to be flying though.
“Okay, it’s time,” my main nurse, Carrie, said with a warm, comforting smile. She was an older lady and had assured me she’d been doing this for a long time. That brought me some peace as she wheeled me down the hallway.
Bolo gave me a kiss as Carrie told him to stay in the hallway. He was in all that protective gear you always see the prospective fathers in on TV, when their wives were about to have a baby. It made me wonder if they had a hard time finding his size because he was so big.
The doors closed, shutting him out and blocking my view. I knew he’d be there waiting when they were ready for him. They started prepping me for my C-section. I was quiet as they worked, only answering questions when I needed to.
I wasn’t about to ask any of my own questions and jinx this. They explained everything they were doing. What was going to happen. I was well informed. I didn’t need to ask about whatcouldgo wrong. I suppressed that darkness right away.
Nothing will.
I was telling myself that, but I was also so scared. Scared it was going to hurt. Scared for the little life inside of me. Had I given him enough time? Was he going to make it? Would he come out the other side with us?
“Oops.”
The gush of blood over my fingers didn’t send me into a panic. I didn’t bother to turn my head over to look. My blood pressure was so high my vein had popped like a champagne bottle at midnight on New Year’s Eve. The anesthesiologist wiped away the excess blood from my arm and hand.
“That looks like a CSI crime scene,” my nurse joked.
I didn’t begrudge them their humor—later I’d find it hilarious—and I knew full well that dark humor was a buffering mechanism. All of us at the firehouse used it too.
