Now, I can’t...
My phone buzzes in my pocket, dragging me back to reality. I pull it out and grimace as Priya’s name scrolls across the front. “Hey, Priya...”
“Hey! Why do I feel like you aren’t home? You always text me when you get in. Did you... were you sleeping?”
Her concern makes me feel worse as I try not to cry, slapping at my face with my free hand to wipe away my tears. “I... something bad happened but I’m okay now. An officer is driving me home.”
I can almost hear the concern in Priya’s voice deepen. “Em, what the fuck? What do you mean? Do you need me to come get you?”
A small chuckle filters through my lips. “No, I’m good. It was just someone around the apartment that wasn’t supposed to be there. Can I call you tomorrow? I don’t really feel like talking.” I wait for her to mumble a yes before I hang up, trying to hold back my emotions until the officer pulls up to my apartment.
He keeps looking back at me, the Beta checking through the rearview mirror to see if I’m okay. I’m not but I try to keep a neutral expression on my face anyway, all but bolting out of the car when it pulls to a stop. Maybe I should have said thank you but all I want right now is food, my nest, and Kade.
Two for three isn’t all that bad.
Except, the moment I get into my apartment, tremors running through my hands, something already feels off. I pull my phone back out, staring at the screen, knowing I shouldn’t. The officers explained that a protective order had been put in place to keep me safe. No matter how much I screamed that I didn’t need it, they promised me that Kade wouldn’t be able to get to me.
I blow out a small breath, my finger hovering over his number. I’ve never called it. We only switched numbers several months ago, just in case. Now feels like the time to use it. I think.
I press it, my breathing kicking up a little as I lean the phone against my ear. It dials three times before the call is picked up, a low rumbling sound filling through the earpiece. “Rys?”
My heart falls into my stomach as a small cry falls past my lips. “Kade?” My voice wobbles as I wrap both hands around the phone and put it on speaker.
There’s a shift on the other end, like he’s moving somewhere quieter the second he hears me. “Rys, are you hurt worse than when I saw you?”
The nickname does something awful to my chest. I press my lips together, forgetting the split until pain flashes sharp enough to make my eyes water. “No. I’m home. They drove me back, and I know I probably shouldn’t call, but I couldn’t sit here with everything quiet and not know if you were okay.”
“I’m okay enough.” His voice is steady, but there’s a strain under it that makes me wish I hadn’t asked and also makes me glad I did. “You shouldn’t apologize for calling me, but I need you to understand that I can’t call you back after this. There’s a protective order in place, and if I cross it, they’ll use it to keep me farther away.”
I stare at the phone like the words might change if I look hard enough. “They said it was for my safety. I told them I didn’t need to be kept safe from you, but no one listened.”
“I know you did. Baxter—my lawyer made it clear arguing tonight would only give them something else to write down.” He pauses, and when he speaks again, his voice is lower. “I want to be outside your door. I want to check the hallway and the side entrance, and I can’t do any of that without making this worse for you.”
The apartment is too quiet around his voice. All the little sounds that hung around in the background seem so much louder now. I move into the kitchen and sit down on the floor, relishing the cold bite of tile through my jeans. “I hate this.”
“I know.”
“I hate that your door’s dark. I hate that I can smell you in the hallway, and you aren’t there. I hate that he knew my name.” My breath catches, and I try to swallow around it. “He said it like he had a right to.Like he knew me.” I whisper the last part, trying and failing to keep the confession on the tip of my tongue. It’s been months of harboring a crush on the one Alpha who has seen me and now I may never actually get the chance to start something.
Kade goes silent long enough that I can hear him breathing. “Listen to me. You lock your door, stay away from the side entrance, and keep your phone charged. If you feel unsafe, you call Grayson, Reyes, or the station before you call me. I need you to promise me that.”
“I don’t want to call them. I want to call you.”
“I want that too.” The words come out rougher, and my fingers tighten around the phone. “That’s why you can’t. If I come, I might not be careful enough with a system already looking for a reason to make me the problem.”
I wipe my face with my sleeve, but more tears come before I’m done, flour mixing with the wetness. “You’re not the problem.”
“No. I’m not. Neither are you.” His voice steadies again. “The man who hurt you is the problem. The people who used fear to make a bad call are the problem. You calling me because you’re scared isn’t the problem.”
I bow over the phone, crying too quietly for how much it hurts. I don’t want him to hear it when he can’t do anything, but he hears it anyway.
“Rys,” he says, my name almost broken in his mouth.
“I’m here,” I whisper.
“I have to hang up, and it isn’t because I want to. If you need someone tonight, call Grayson. Promise me.”
“I promise.”
