LILA MURPHY
So are you. Well, kind of.
Vampire Falls. Season one, episode twelve – “Masquerade Brawl”
Roxy and I walk out of the lift into what feels and looks like an actual zombie apocalypse (though the lifts wouldn’t be operational, of course). We look at each other and smile, then she loops her arm through mine and we head into the flesh-eating mob.
The undead are everywhere; squeezed on sofas drinking through straws so they don’t smudge their make-up, waiting at the bar whilst talking to intrigued non-zombie and non-convention (and probably alarmed) hotel guests. There’s even a couple carrying an over-tired zombie toddler.
People ask us for selfies, and we of course oblige, hanging out our tongues because that’s how zombies roll. Roxy delights everyone with a few keepy-uppies with a blood-splattered football, flicking it up in the air and catching it in the crook of her neck. I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this before but shit, she’s cool.
We go to the bar, and I order us a couple of beers. Beverages in hand, we head towards Conference Hall A.
“Whoa,” says Roxy, putting her hand on my arm and slowing. “How weird is that?”
I look around, wondering what she’s talking about, and thenit hits me. Or it doesn’t hit me. There’s no music coming from inside the hall. We head through the doors and everyone’s wearing headphones, behaving (and sounding) like thereisactual music playing even though all we can hear is a weird out-of-tune hum. It’s like behind-the-scenes footage of a scene at The Purple Nightcap, with people acting like there’s music blasting, but there isn’t any.
“Hey!”
Fake McKinley beams as he stops in front of us and takes off his headset, Dorothy clutching his arm like he’s offered to help her cross the street. He’s dressed as the science teacher who was sadly eaten by his entire chemistry class when he accidentally created a zombie virus in school. As you do. The only reason I know that’s his costume is because he’s wearing a faculty name tag: bespectacled Mr Marian was near retirement and hunched over from years of marking papers. Fake McKinley just looks like Clark Kent. A Henry-Cavill-if-he-had-a-beard, Clark Kent.
“Hey, guys. Excellent costumes,” says Roxy, looking him and Dorothy (who looks amazing as Venefica the witch with a crown of finger bones and a long red cloak) up and down. She turns to me. “Who are you looking for?”
“Huh?” I say.
“You keep looking around for someone.”
I swallow, realising that Iamlooking around for someone.
“I’m just . . . looking at the costumes.” I clear my throat and point to my ears. “So, how do they work then? The headsets?”
“I’ll show you!” says Fake McKinley, a huge smile on his face. “You get them from the front and when you put them on it’s like being at a club, but you choose the DJ.”
We follow him across the dance floor and Dorothy breaks off and joins everyone shuffling around to music I can’t hear. Someone lurches at me suddenly, their face contorting as they mouth unknown song lyrics and clap their hands. Their friendgrabs them, and they bounce up and down together. It very much feels like walking through a, you guessed it, zombie apocalypse but without the threat of having my flesh consumed.
Fake McKinley beckons us over to a table filled with headsets, all with white lights blinking on them. He picks one up and hands it to Roxy. She puts the headset on, frowning as she flicks the dial round. The light on the side of her headset moves through a rainbow of colours until she stops at red. Her face lights up and she puts one hand to her ear and nods to her song choice.
She shimmies into the middle of the dance floor where Dorothy is already jiving around, throwing her arms in the air. I laugh at the sight of Roxy towering over tiny Dorothy, but my heart feels warm. This is what conventions are all about for me. Doesn’t matter who you are: if you loveVampire Falls, you’re welcome to party with us.
“Here,” says Fake McKinley, holding a headset to his ear and turning the dial. “You can see what DJ other people are listening to by the colour of the light.”
He frowns as the lights change colour, then his eyes twinkle and he puts the headset over my ears. My headspace is immediately filled with music. He puts his back on and bops along, completely out of sync with the disco beat going off inside my head. It’s weird, and it’s fun, and it’s freeing, and I can’t help but smile.
I turn the dial to see what else there is. Everyone dances around me as I move through each channel until, there it is, the perfect song. I close my eyes and lift my hands. The guitar intro sends me right into my favouriteVampire Fallsscene.
Lila and Orion spend most of the episode apart, fighting demons and preventing an apocalypse. Orion arrives at the Vampire Ball, desperately looking around the dance floor, and just as the guitar starts, in walks Lila. She’s dressed for theball (despite having just fought to the death), but Orion’s in his signature hoodie and jeans combo (with an eye mask, even though he’s a ghost; we’ll let the continuity team off the hook for that one though). Lila lifts her green ball dress to reveal she’s still wearing her trusty Doc Martens.
They make their way towards each other, weaving through all the other ballgowns and tuxedos,the guests oblivious to almost being on a real vampire’s menu. They meet and begin to dance, the traditional vampire courtship taught to them by Viggo, one hand held up close as they move into one another, looking deep into each other’s eyes as they step side to side, closer, then further away.
It’s the reason I’ve never had a boyfriend, never really kissed anyone, not that I’m inundated with offers. That’s what love and romance looks like to me, and nobody could ever live up to it.
The music lifts me above everyone and everything, and Ismile as I twist and turn, imagining Lila and Orion dancing together. I pull my headset off to check the colour of my light – yellow – then put it back on, just as I notice someone off the dance floor watching me, tapping their hand against the wall in time to the music in my head, their headset light the same colour as mine.
Charlie smiles, the kind of smile I used to live for in the common room. He puts his beer down on the table, then leans over Sadie whose nose is almost pressed against her phone. She nods and he ruffles her hair then looks back at me, his eyes sparkling with the joy great music brings.
Charlie weaves between people on the dance floor, tapping his hand on his leg along to the beat in his head, and in mine. My heart flutters as he gets closer. Is heactuallydoing this?
Are we doing this?
