What would Jake do?
What wouldIdo?
I started to lean into him, closing the distance. Carefully. Just a fraction, no more than three piano keys. Jake’s gaze drifted down. My own moved up to his mouth—
But then my brain caught up with my body.
What was I doing? He was just going to leave again in a few days.
I pulled away from Jake so fast he nearly fell over, like he’d been using me as his sole center of gravity, and the thought nearly made me dizzy.
“I’ve got to go,” I said.
Without waiting for a reply, I got back in my car and peeled away, wondering if I drove fast enough, I could outrun the old feelings trying to catch up to me.
It was only when I got home that I realized I was still wearing Jake’s jacket.
Chapter Seventeen
Baby, I’ve been going crazy
’Cause you got me in that fight or flight
Tongue tied, up all night
Lost in your eyes, seeing starlight kind of vibe
—US Lyric Bot [@HourlyUS]
Itossed and turned the whole night, only one thought on my mind:
I might be falling for Jake again.
And Icouldn’t.
Not when he’d be leaving. I’d been down this road before, so I knew what would happen. I’d fall for him, he’d fly off, and thennothing.
Jake and I had busy lives. If this livestream worked, I’d be off at college. He’d be planning for the tour. It wasn’t going to work.
I needed someone who’d be there for me when things got tough. And that’s not what you got from guys like Jake. I appreciated that he was helping the café, I really did. But he wasstill a ghost for four years. And while he told me he remembered everything I said, and the thought made me feel warm, I couldn’t stop wondering, did he only remember when he was actively reminded? Why else had it been so easy to forget about me for so long? If Jake really cared, wouldn’t he have shown up at the café before all of this happened?
Maybe Jake was just acting like this since he was finally here with me in person and I was right in front of him. It didn’t mean his intentions were bad. People’s feelings tended to weaken and change when they were away from each other, didn’t they? So it made sense that, now that he was physically here with me, he’d have a change of heart and revert to his old self in some ways.
But would everything stay that way when he left again and we were no longer together?
And even more important: Was it worth it to let my own feelings get deeper? Now I knew the stories behind his stunts, and how I’d been wrong when I thought he’d gotten too busy to talk to me before because he was partying, when instead he’d just had a packed schedule with the band. But regardless of the reason, he still lost touch with me and made the conscious choice to ignore me, just letting our relationship dissolve. Would he be there for me if I ever needed him again? I couldn’t let myself fall for someone I didn’t know I couldalwayscount on.
All right. I could handle this.
All I had to do was deal with this one little issue.
Okay, two issues, since there was still the fact the place I loved most in the entire world needed help. Maybe two point five if you counted the hiding-the-truth-from-Mom fiasco andalso the whole oh-God-what-if-I-go-off-to-college-and-Mom-isn’t-healed-and-everything-falls-apart-because-I’m-not-there-and-it’s-all-my-fault thing.
I sneezed.
Never mind. I had three issues.
Because last night, I got so distracted over myplease-don’t-be-feelingsfor Jake that I forgot to shut my window before I went to bed and got lungfuls of pollen from the flowering tree outside my window all night.
