She simply nodded, her heart swelling at the thought that he remembered the number she had said during her rambling. He began combing through her hair and with each stroke, Asta’s nerves vanished more and more.
Thirteen, fourteen, fifteen…
It was working. She might easily fall asleep tonight without needing to re-comb her hair. A small ball of guilt settled in her stomach for sharing such a moment with Kaid, but she pushed it away. He could break her rituals.
When Linnea was first appointed her lady-in-waiting, she had combed Asta’s hair, and the princess would secretly redo it once she left her bedroom. But Kaid… His combing had satisfied the clawing monster within.
The two didn’t speak. Kaid strictly concentrated on the comb going through Asta’s blonde locks and Asta concentrated on watching him in the mirror, the way his muscles shifted with each stroke.
Twenty-seven, twenty-eight. Done.
He was done, and she felt…free. Although her ritual had still been completed, it was the first time in her twenty-one years of life that Asta hadn’t had to do it herself, and it was liberating.
Asta let out a happy sigh and ran over to her bed, jumping on and propping herself up against the mound of pillows there. Kaid hesitated for a moment, shuffling his feet.
She patted the top of the comforter. “It’s only a bed, and I’m just a friend. Surely you can sit in bed with a woman withoutanything further happening.” Asta gestured to the room around her, challenge in her tone.
Taking her challenge to heart, Kaid stalked over to the other side of the bed and sat down, resting against the pillows like she had. “Is there anything you do to distract yourself from your—what do you call them? Rituals?”
A surprisingly astute question for a pretty rich boy.
Asta explained to Kaid how difficult it had been when she was younger, the crippling feeling that came with each ritual. When she was a child, it was difficult to express the distress it caused to her father. He was never knowingly cruel to her about it, he just simply hadn’t understood the importance. But as she aged, he began to empathize to the best of his ability. Her brain was unfixable, but they needed to find ways to help comfort it.
That was why she took up reading at first. She could disappear into the world of a book and not feel the need to crack a knuckle. The imagery of other worlds bringing her mind temporary peace. But after a few years of burning through nearly every book in the castle, she needed something else. That was when Gyrial offered to teach her how to fight, which in turn helped her learn how to defend herself on her outings.
Her mind felt healed when she fought, whether hand-to-hand or with blades. She could kick men through doorways and step through them to continue her attack. She could duel for hours before feeling the need to snap a finger.
Asta’s words trailed off as she felt her eyes close, watching Kaid’s posture relax more and more as she spoke. She was so comfortable, and so tired. She would close her eyes for a minute. Just one minute…
Chapter 15
Kaid’s eyes fluttered open as he took in his surroundings. He was lying atop a plush purple comforter in a brightly colored room lined with stacks of books. The oil lamp on the side table flickered as it came close to extinguishing. And lying on her side next to him was a silhouette of what he thought must be the most beautiful woman he had ever seen, her figure outlined by the flames of the roaring fireplace behind her. She looked so serene, countering her usual guarded demeanor.
Kaid turned onto his side facing Asta and took in the sight of her. Her ample chest was moving up and down with each breath, her lion’s mane hair was draped on the pillow behind her, andthe hem of her dress shifted high enough for Kaid to admire her muscular thighs.
Why? Why must Maren be the eldest of the two?
Asta had made her thoughts of Kaid’s existence clear, anyway, but he still pined for her. It was like her clear disfavor of him made him want her more. He had never met a woman so ready to knock him down at any chance she got. So ready to humble him. What kind of sick game was Knud playing in this castle, anyway? And why did he like it so much?
The princess stirred next to Kaid, as though she sensed his change in consciousness even in her own state of sleep. Her eyes opened slowly, blinking a few times to clear her vision. Shock and regret didn’t overcome her face as Kaid suspected it might.
“I missed guard change,” Kaid gestured to the clock on the mantle.
They had planned for him to sneak out when the guard at the end of the hall switched with another, just in case any of them had a desperate need to make a copper on selling a scandalous story to the papers.
Asta craned her neck to peer at the clock over her shoulder and let out a sigh.
Guessing the exhale was fueled by discontent, Kaid suggested he move to the chaise in the common room.
Asta lazily waved a hand. “You’re stuck in here now, and we were already sleeping. No sense in you having a sore back for the next three days from sleeping on that thing. Just stay here.”
Kaid didn’t know how to respond to that. Didn’t know how to respond to the fact that his heart skipped a beat as her green eyes looked into his, willing him to stay.
He settled down onto the bed further, subconsciously nudging closer to her as he did so. Asta adjusted her lying position as well to be face-to-face.
He knew it wasn’t right, and yet, he couldn’t stop it. He and Maren were marrying out of obligation. They hadn’t even discussed the wedding with each other, only with the staff who needed answers—answers to questions that Kaid, quite frankly, gave no fucks about. Maren was as uninterested as he was, but did that make what he was doing any less wrong? It was her sister, afterall. So, why didn’t itfeelwrong?
Kaid didn’t let the argument in his mind conclude as he reached up and brushed stray hairs from Asta’s face, tucking them behind her ear. Her eyes searched his face and her mouth twisted, the gears of her mind nearly visible as they turned.
