I’ve decided to put soccer on pause to focus on my mental health. I can’t play my best if my mind isn’t in the right place. To the fans, thanks. Can’t wait to get back to the field.
Going ghost for a while to get my life together.
NINETEEN
LILY
MAY
Lily sat cross-legged on the floor. The coolness of the marble tiles seeped through her jeans as she tossed a neon green plastic spring across the kitchen, laughing at the way Nell’s cat Mortimer zoomed after it, batting it around like a hockey puck. He proudly returned the spring, dropping it in her lap.
Lily scooped Mortimer up, holding him close as she rose to her feet. His raspy purr vibrated through her body, warming her from the inside out.
“He likes you, which is saying something because Mortimer is known for having high standards.” Nell smiled at her across the kitchen island, where she had been leaning, coffee mug in hand, chatting with her moms. Lily slid onto the stool, Mortimer in her lap.
“He still hasn’t fully warmed up to me yet,” Sarah said, setting her own coffee mug on the counter next to the cooktop where she and Beth were making breakfast fajitas together.
“Really?” Beth said, placing a hand on Sarah’s upper arm. “He warmed up to me right away.”
Lily quietly watched her moms together as she absently pet Mortimer. Over the last two weeks, she had been doing a lot of that—observing, paying attention tothe way they were with eachother. It was weird seeing them like this again—all in love, kind of like reliving an old memory that suddenly forced its way to the front of her mind. But once those memories started, Lily hadn’t been able to stop the flashes of all the happiness and love she had grown up surrounded by, and what her moms had been like together before their divorce, before the weird times when there had been a lot of fighting between them, and before Jamie.
But things really did feel different to Lily. There was a lot more dancing for starters. Impromptu dance parties had become a frequent occurrence whenever her moms were together, which had felt like nearly every day since they had returned from Oregon. And laughing—there was a ton of laughing.
She was happy for them—now, at least. She definitely hadn’t been when she found out, but the longer she listened to her mom’s explanation in the car, the longer she had time to sit with it, and the more she found her sour feelings about the whole situation disappearing. They were happy and sickeningly in love, and who was Lily to be upset about that?
It had honestly been a good distraction from everything that had happened in the wake of Wren’s birthday.
Lily, who may or may not have been eavesdropping on a hushed conversation between her mom and Nell the morning they returned to Washington, heard that the news of Wren’s arrest had gotten out and spread around social media and various news platforms. Dylan had shown her a handful of posts about Wren, and the comments speculating whether she and Wren were still together, or what exactly had happened. But Lily shut that out of her head. She couldn’t let herself get sucked into the noise.
So she didn’t. She blocked it all out like she used to block out the cheers in the crowded arenas when she stepped onto the mats to compete.
But it hadn’t been easy.
Every day for the last two weeks, Lily had opened her phone, only to close it quickly at the reminder of how badly she wanted to talk to one person and one person only—Wren. Even though she was hurt and annoyed by this whole crazy turn of events, at the end of the day, Wren was still her best friend, the person she turned to for everything. And right now, without her, Lily felt lost. But she couldn’t talk to Wren—like, physically, she couldn’t. Part of Wren’s rehab program included a mandatory two-week blackout period before she was able to have any communication or visitors, which was exactly why they were all in the Hamptons at Nell’s place.
“What time are we heading over to see Wren?” Lily asked, purposefully keeping her tone neutral, not wanting to field any more lengthy conversations her moms always seemed to want to get into whenever Wren’s name came up.
Sarah handed her a plate of steaming breakfast fajitas, which Lily took graciously. “Visiting hours start at one. We’re all going to go over and have lunch together.”
Lily nodded, reaching for her fork and digging in, pretending like she didn’t notice the way all three of the other women in the room exchanged quiet looks of concern.Thathad also been happening a lot recently. Reminding her of how everyone used to look at her in the months following Jamie’s death. “Perfect. I’m excited to see her.” She shrugged, smiling reassuringly in hopes that they would stop with the looks.
After breakfast, she busied herself drawing sketches of new ideas for upcycled fan gear. Not that she was actively working on anything, but that didn’t stop the ideas from taking up space in her mind. At some point, the doorbell rang, and her mom and Nell disappeared into the back of the house with a woman Lily didn’t recognize.
“Mind if I join?” her mama asked, her own sketchbook in hand, already sliding onto the couch next to her.
“Yeah, sure.” Lily scooted her feet out of the way, tucking them up under her. “Who’s here?”
Her mama’s focus was already on her sketchbook as her pencil moved across the page. “Senator Fairchild.”
“Who’s that?”
“A friend of Mom and Nell’s.” Beth shrugged, rotating her sketchbook slightly.
“It seemed kind of serious?”
“Your mom and Nell do serious work.”
Lily fought the urge to roll her eyes. “Wow, so helpful,” she mumbled under her breath, grinning as the two of them settled into their respective drawings.
