“Ilovethat you’re my girlfriend, too,” she whispered back in concession, brushing her thumb against Wren’s cheekbone.
Wren’s gaze shifted away from hers, and Lily already knew what was coming. “I don’t want to keep hiding this. It’s getting harder not to tell everyone that we’re together. I’m so stoked to be in this relationship, and it—it sucks sometimes, that we can’t even tell people.”
Lily envied Wren’s ability to see only the good in a situation. She always came at her feelings full speed—all gas, no brakes, and always unapologetic in the best ways. Lily loved that about her, even when it made things more complicated. But where Wren saw the excitement of telling everyone that they were dating, Lily saw a mountain of questions they would surely receive from all sides about their relationship, their sexuality, and so on. She had spent the last four years of her life fielding invasive questions about her family life; she just didn’t want to deal with relationship questions right now, but she knew it wasn’t a long-term solution.
“I know,” Lily said. “But, same thing I said before. After the Olympics, we can tell whomever we want.”
Wren groaned, burrowing her face in the crook of Lily’s neck. Lily reflexively wrapped her arms around her. “Yeah, yeah, I know. The Olympics—your rules?—”
“Don’t ‘your rules’ me. These areourrules thatwecame up with together. Do I need to pull out the notebook as evidence? I’m fully prepared to do a handwriting analysis.”
The contraction of facial muscles against her neck told her Wren was smiling.
“Fine.” Wren propped herself up on her elbow, green eyes shining brightly. “Can we at least tell your moms? It’s weird that even they don’t know. I respect them both too much to keep lying to them.”
“We’re not lying, we’re strategically omitting certain information to better focus on the outcome of our goals.”
“Man, you go to college for one year, and you come out a professional bullshitter.”
“Actually, no, Nell taught me that one.” Lily traced her eyes over Wren’s high cheekbones, across her boxy shoulders, and down her lanky, lean frame before meeting her gaze again. “Okay, we can tell my moms, but no one else until after the Olympics, like we agreed.” Wren’s smile lit up her entire face, and Lily took a little mental picture. Forever freezing Wren’s excitement in time, tucking away to revisit when their busy schedules kept them apart. “But right now, we both need to lock in. You don’t even know if you’re getting invited to training camp yet.”
Wren’s hand made contact with her shoulder, pushing her gently as she scoffed. “I’m not too worried. I’ve got a good feeling about it. I should find out this week.”
Lily rolled her eyes. “Oh my god, how can you just sayI have a good feeling? A feeling? Really?”
Wren swooped forward, placing a kiss on her nose, her forehead, before peppering them all over. Lily’s laughter filledthe small room, bouncing off the cinderblock walls as she gasped for air.
“Stop, stop. Okay.” She laughed again, breaking free from Wren. “Fine, keep your illogical vibes. I could never.”
“And that’s why we’re perfect together. We balance each other out.”
Lily’s phone buzzed against the desk.
Dylan: 12:34 PM
Leaving the library, be back in 15. Need to keep studying.
“Time to go,” Lily said, resting her hand on Wren’s chest.
“I cannot tell you how excited I am that you’ll be back at your mom’s this summer, so we don’t have to deal with navigating around Dylan’s study schedule anymore.”
Lily walked Wren to the bus stop that would take her back across town and waited until the bus hissed to a halt. They shared one last quick hug—the one they used when they knew people could be watching—before Wren climbed aboard and was whisked up the hill and out of sight. Lily turned back towards the dorms then changed her mind, setting off on the longer route that would take her around campus, her sneakers scuffing over the damp asphalt.
She started building a mental checklist of everything she needed to do in the upcoming week: pack up the room, double-check training schedules, turn in her key, call Mom—right. Call Mom.
Do it now, get it over with, and check it off the list.
Lily slipped her phone from her pocket, the familiar photo lighting up the screen—a picture of her sitting on the edge of a balance beam at PGTC, shoulder-to-shoulder with Jamie, both of them caught mid-laugh. Seeing it hit her with the same half-gut-punch, half-warm feeling, but today it felt different. It was sharper as the feeling prickled across her.
The phone went dark as she continued to stare at the screen. It was strange to her how something she’d seen every day for a year was all of a sudden making her feel so intensely.
Lily tapped the screen again, quickly entering the passcode and taking a deep breath.Power through. The feeling goes away. Ignore it, you don’t have time for this.But her thumb hovered over Jamie’s name right above her mom’s, and for a split second, she debated pressing it even though she knew Jamie couldn’t answer.
Her throat tightened as she blinked away tears, tapping her mom’s contact instead.
“Hi sweetie.” Her mom’s voice came through the phone, warm like always.
“Hey, Mom.” Her own voice cracked as she quickly cleared her throat. “Wren said you called her. I’m alive, just had a lot going on with finals, and Dylan and I still need to pack the room before Mama, Sean, and Pat come to move us out,” she rambled, hoping somewhere along the way her words were hiding the fact that she had been crying.
