That was the strange thing about Wren. Lily knew she cared so deeply about the things she had to say, but she never seemed to know how to ask the questions Lily wanted her to ask.
“My day was okay.” She sighed again. “I don’t know, Wren. I’m having a tough time right now with the whole getting back in the gym thing. Amanda asked me today if I’ve thought about retiring, and I can’t—I want—and Jamie—and I don’t—” The more Lily tried to articulate how she felt, the more her pulse quickened and the less her words made any kind of sense, frustrating her even more. “I don’t know what to do.”
Wren stayed quiet.
“I wish you were here,” Lily whispered.
A silence followed, growing more uncomfortable the longer it stretched.
“I don’t know what you want me to say.” Wren’s voice was small again, the one that reminded Lily of a turtle retreating into its shell.
“It’s not about what I want you to say,” Lily snapped, her frustration getting the better of her. “I just want you to have some kind of thought or reaction to what I said that lets me know you’re listening.” She huffed, heat flaring in her chest. She loved Wren, but Wren could be infuriating sometimes.
“I’m sorry you had a bad day. You can always reset tomorrow.”
The urge to roll her eyes so hard it might physically hurt her was extremely overpowering in that moment, but with Herculean effort, Lily held back.
“Thanks, Wren,” she said, looking away from her phone, trying to keep her annoyance in check. She was resigned to the fact that she was most likely not going to get anything deeper from her girlfriend in that moment.
“If it makes you feel better,” Wren said, her voice shifting into a sing-songy tone, “I wish I were there with you, too.”
Lily looked back at the shrunken version of Wren on the rectangular screen in her hand. “You do?” she asked meekly, already knowing the answer.
“Yup.” Wren’s grin tugged at the corners of her mouth. “I’d spoon the crap out of you right now, tuck you up, wrapping myself all around you, exactly how you like it.” Her voice was confident again.
“Pencil me in for one spoon session when you get back, please,” Lily said, feeling her annoyance starting to dissipate as her own smile pulled at her lips.
“Done.” Wren laughed. “You know,” she said, drawing the last word out suggestively, “we could do something that would make both of us feel a little better before our spoon session date.” She raised an inviting eyebrow. “Sydney still has, like, fifteen minutes left in the bathroom, we could…”
Ew. No thanks.
“No, Wren,” she said sternly, her annoyance flaring once again. Was she serious? “First, what makes you think right now is a time I want to have phone sex with you? I just told you how shitty my day was and how sad I was, and your brain said, ‘Yes, great time to make a move.’ Really?” Wren’s cheeks were turning a deeper shade of red with each of Lily’s words, but she didn’t really care. “And secondly, I don’t want to have phone sex with you when your roommate is literally in the bathroom.”
“I’m sorry,” Wren said quickly. “I just thought—I know you like sex, and it makes you feel better, so I thought maybe…” She stumbled through her words, trying to build her defense.
“Wren, not everything comes back to sex. I wanted a little bit of comfort from my girlfriend tonight, and I didn’t even get that. I’m going to go.” She paused, fighting the urge to hang up the phone without saying another word, but that felt too cruel. “I love you. Sleep tight.”
Lily ended the call, tossing her phone across the bed, rolling onto her side. The cool fabric of the linen pillow case pressed against her cheek as hot tears built at the corner of her eyes, threatening to fall as she took shaky breath after shaky breath, trying to keep the floodgates from opening.
FOURTEEN
BETH
FEBRUARY
Sarah 11:58 PM
You up?
A wide grin curled across Beth’s lips as she set aside the sapphic graphic novel—an early birthday present from Lily—she had been poring over, her fingers flying across the screen as she typed a playful retort.
Beth 11:59 PM
Really? You’re sending me a ‘You up’ text?
She bit back her laughter, waiting as three dots instantly appeared on her screen, disappearing just as fast, replaced by Sarah’s picture.
Beth answered immediately.
