“I’m going to dive back in,” Beth said, a bitter, unenthusiastic bite to her voice. “New year, new start and all of that.”
“Is it possible,” Liv started slowly, “that the reason you’re not having any luck with dating is that you already know someone who has everything you want?”
Beth studied her, turning Liv’s words over and over like a worry stone in her pocket. “That’s not fair,” she said. “You say it like it’s so simple.”
“I only asked if it was possible.” Liv shrugged, nudging the fire with a metal poker, sending a cascade of sparks flying into the air. “All I’m trying to say is that being open doesn’t mean you have to fully and blindly throw yourself into something. It just means not locking the door so tightly against things you perceive to be over.”
Beth tossed the piece of wood with her final scrawled intention into the fire, watching the flames curl around it.
“Look, I’m not saying to get back with Sarah. But I am saying you two need to talk.”
Beth swallowed hard, the fire popping as she watched the glowing embers. “We’ve never been great at communicating with each other,” she admitted, voice barely above a whisper.
“No time like the present to start,” Liv said with a raised brow.
Beth left Liv’s place not long after, making her way down the single, dark road that connected their two houses. Headlights cut through the thin veil of fog that perpetually lingered this time of year, mingling with the rain and towering pine trees. Outside of her thoughts—which were currently running loud, anxious laps through her mind—the drive home was quiet.
By the time she crawled into bed, she was exhausted. Beth lay on her back, phone on her chest, screen illuminating the ceiling and mixing with the pale moonlight streaming in through the skylights on her vaulted ceiling. The minutes ticked by slowly. 11:58. 11:59. Midnight.
“Happy New Year,” she said into the darkness, her thumb hovering over one contact in her phone. She pressed Sarah’s name before she could second-guess herself.
Sarah picked up on the second ring. “Hello?”
“Uh—hi. Happy New Year, Sar!” she said, her voice far too peppy for the late hour.Really?she chastised herself. But Sarah’s warm, easy laughter filled her ear.
“Happy New Year, Beth.”
The tension dissipated slowly as they talked about their days and about the fireworks Sarah’s neighbor had been setting off since two that afternoon. They talked about the bonfire at Liv’s and setting intentions for the year ahead, Beth conveniently leaving out exactly what her intention for the year had been.
Somewhere along the way, the edges of their conversation softened, making room for their laughter as they took turns poking fun at each other for not having stayed up till midnight in recent years.
Beth settled into the comfort of their conversation, shifting onto her side, phone tucked under her ear, eyelids growing heavy as they spoke. Sarah rambled on about a book she was reading that Nell had lent her, a second-chance end-of-the-world sapphic romance—not Sarah’s typical read, but she was enjoying it nonetheless.
Beth didn’t remember falling asleep, humming in response to Sarah as she drifted in and out of consciousness, ushering in the new year to the sound of Sarah’s voice cozy in her ear.
TWELVE
SARAH
JANUARY
Lily 10:43 AM
Where are you? The paperwork said we needed to be fifteen minutes early. I’m in the waiting room with Mama.
Sarah 10:44 AM
Getting on the elevator. I still have one minute.
Sarah pressed the small circular button to call the elevator that would whisk her up to the 22nd floor. She, Beth, and Lily were meeting with Dr. Mel to discuss the next steps for Lily’s rehabilitation.
She found Beth and Lily tucked away in a corner of the waiting room. Lily’s knee was bouncing rapidly, Beth sitting beside her, flipping absent-mindedly through a real estate magazine. Beth glanced up as Sarah approached, that warm, tender smile Sarah couldn’t resist pulling at the corners of her mouth.
“Okay, good, you’re here,” Lily said, shoulders rolling back, relaxing into her chair.
“Lils, I’m perfectly on time. Exactly fifteen minutes early.” Sarah tapped the watch on her wrist, sliding into the open seat next to Beth.
“I meant to give you a heads up,” Beth mumbled, her voice low, tilting her head in Lily’s direction. “We’re having a high anxiety day.”
