She stood watching the game unfold as it accelerated to an explosive final round between Nate and Wren.
“You guys play the next round without me,” Lily said, getting to her feet and coming to stand next to Beth. “Can I talk to you?” she asked quietly, leading her down the hall to Sarah’s study.
“Everything okay, love?” Beth asked tentatively.
Lily perched herself on the edge of Sarah’s impressive mahogany desk—it must be new, because Beth didn’t recognize it from the last time she had been in this room. Beth took a seat in one of the chairs opposite it.
“Yeah, I just wanted to feelings-check. Today is kind of a weird day, right? It still feels strange to have Thanksgiving without Jamie.”
Beth’s heart surged at Lily’s mention of a feelings-check—a term she and Sarah had coined while raising Lily to navigate the nuances of teaching emotional regulation in a safe environment.
“It definitely is a weird one,” she agreed.
A silence followed. It wasn’t uncomfortable, but it did speak volumes about the space Jamie still occupied in each of their lives.
“I miss her,” Lily said simply, her shoulders slumping forward.
Something painful tugged at Beth’s chest, at the admission Lily had made, at the guilt Beth still felt every day for introducing this layer of hurt and healing into their lives. “I know, love.” She reached out, placing a hand on Lily’s leg, rubbing gently.
“Do you miss her?” Lily looked at her intently.
Beth’s hand stilled as her mind spun through all the iterations of how she could answer this question. Not knowing which was the correct one, ultimately deciding on the truth. “I’msad she’s not here to celebrate with us. She loved Thanksgiving and I know how much she loved getting to spend it with you.”
Lily studied her closely in the same way Sarah tended to do when she was trying to make sense of something complicated. “But you don’t miss her, do you?” she asked softly, hanging her head.
Silence filled the space between them for a moment before Beth responded as gently as possible. “No, I don’t. Not in the same way you do, love. You and Jamie had a very special bond and?—”
Lily shirked out of her touch abruptly, sliding off the desk. Moving towards the door, she said, “It’s okay, just forget I said anything. It’s stupid.”
“Lily, no, let’s talk.” But it was no use, Lily had already slipped down the hall, leaving the door to the study slightly ajar.
Beth groaned, leaning back in the chair, closing her eyes. She shouldn’t have come today. She should have stayed home, but this was progress, right? This was what moving forward was all about, right? Showing up, even when it’s uncomfortable?
For half an hour, she stayed like that. Slumped in the chair, enjoying the quiet as she tried to center herself enough to rejoin the holiday celebrations.Okay. On the count of three,she told herself.One. Two. Three.She rose to her feet and moved towards the slightly open door.
But hushed voices on the other side made her pause as they drew closer, and she quickly identified Sarah and Nell.
“I told you, Nell, not this weekend.” Sarah’s voice was low, stern, dripping with authority in a way Beth hadn’t really heard from her before.
“Opportunity waits for no one, Sarah. I had no control over when Renee planned on calling you with the job offer. How long did she give you to decide?”
A pause before Sarah responded. “We left it open. I told Renee I don’t work on holidays and I would call her back on Monday to negotiate further.”
They were on the other side of the door. Beth was still standing in the center of the room, not wanting to get caught eavesdropping.
Sarah pushed the door open. “It’s Washington, D.C., Nell. My life is here, that’s—oh, Beth. Hi.” She stopped talking as their eyes met, confusion at finding her in an unexpected place.
“I’m sorry,” Beth said apologetically, the words tumbling out of her mouth quickly, moving to side step Sarah and Nell.
“You’re good,” Sarah said quickly, trying to cover her surprise.
“I just needed a little bit of quiet and ducked in here. Let me—” Beth explained, scooting past Nell, slipping out the door, and hurrying back down the hall.
Maybe it was time to take Liv up on that glass of wine after all.
CHRISTMAS
Beth gasped at the sensation of her consciousness being jolted from her otherwise peaceful sleep. “What the?—”
