You’re not a full vampire,my common sense piped up.
You know shit about fuck all!the fear shouted back.
He might leave you anyway.Okay, that one stung. I was, quite frankly, a whole lot of a mess, and Luc had no reason to stick around once the death threat hanging over me was lifted.
Panic ripped through me like a tidal wave, starting at my toes, which cramped inside my boots, wobbling my thighs, and slicking my skin with a layer of icy cold. My knees gave out, and I slithered down the wall into a crouch, wrapping my arms around them as I went, and hugging myself into a ball as I tried to stave off a full-blown anxiety attack. Dark sparkles danced in front of my eyes as my grasp on reality wavered. I was notgoing to hyperventilate and pass out. I wasnot.
29
LUC
By the timeI stood up and whipped my head around, Charley had vanished. Like, into-thin-air vanished. Which was impossible, because I was a goddamned wolf and I could track pretty much anything by scent, sound, tracks, the works. My senses were dimmed in human form, but they still worked, and better than most. And yet I couldn’t even tell in which direction he’d scarpered. Because he’d shot off as fast as he’d been running the night we met.
I took a deep breath. He had to be somewhere. He’d said he needed a moment. I could give him that. I’d retrace our steps and most likely find him the other side of the church, or even by the wall with the fir trees which were currently blocking my view from the more bedraggled houses.
I didn’t hurry, determined to give him that time he’d asked for. I kept my senses on high alert, my eyes swivelling, my nostrils flaring wide to catch any hint of him in the breeze. He wasn’t in the church, or any of the more complete buildings. That wasn’t unreasonable considering how keen he’d been to exit all of them. They weren’t somewhere I fancied dawdling in either, mostly because it felt like trespassing to be there.
I did a complete three-sixty of the area on the graveyard side of the fir trees, calling out as I went, then began a sweep of the run-down section of this tiny village. It wasn’t large, and the houses, such as they were, didn’t offer anywhere to hide. He wasn’t there. Uneasy, because for one minute fragment of a second I imagined I’d caught the faintest whiff of his uniquely Charley smell, I picked my way back along the rough pathway and through the gate in the wall. I stood, and inhaled as deeply as I could, certain I would pick up his scent now. Nothing. Tromping down a quiver of anxiety, I strained my ears for any clue as to his whereabouts. Nothing apart from the usual random winter landscape noises.
Charley was a predator too, possibly not as lethal as me, probably only due to his ignorance about his strength, but I still doubted he’d have entered the forest without me. If I had to nail his mood, I’d say he was off-balance. He had been since meeting Baxter, and learning what we would be attempting to pull off with some fake videotaped ‘evidence’. His eagerness to uncover details about Dalziel’s past family had seemed tempered by some melancholy at our findings. That was hardly a shock. Damn, I wasn’t the vamp’s biggest fan, but seeing those gravestones, evidently well-tended, was enough to give me pause. Dude had loved and lost a heap of folk. Plus I’d noticed one more headstone, a way apart from the family group, but similarly free of moss and crap, and my interest was piqued. I’d been about to suggest to Charley we take a look when he’d bolted.
That could wait. My missing mate could not. I was worried about him, because he’d been properly upset by visiting those graves. I didn’t understand why, but I’d ask him later. When we were both safely back indoors, warm, and preferably naked in a secure embrace.
Staving off the whisper of my conscience that tried to argue I couldn’t call him my mate unless we’d discussed it, I contemplated my next move.
“Fuck’s sake, Charley, this isn’t funny.” I sighed as I glanced at the sky. For now the snowfall was still very light, but it was damn cold. I whipped off my coat and set it on the top of the wall, then I stripped at gold-medal-winning speed, bundled my clothing and boots inside my jacket, and shifted.
Encased in thick fur, the feeling quickly returned to my feet. I leapt the wall and let my wolf dig about the ruined settlement. Still no trace of Charley. A whine escaped my throat, then another. I pressed on, doing another full circuit of the entire place, before abandoning my search in favour of the woods. I picked up his scent and followed it eagerly, thinking he’d soon be in sight, maybe huddled against a tree waiting for me, tears in his sapphire eyes as his tender heart grieved for his blood father’s loss. I guessed it was his loss too, in a way.
I ran, keeping my nose to the trail. It was faint, but there. When I reached the end of the forest and the edge of the lawn, my optimism faded. There were two sets of clear footprints across the frozen grass, but they led in only one direction, not two.
Lost. Mate. Find. Protect. Think.
I wasted no time in hurtling back the way I’d come, my wolf cursing our stupidity. I’d been following the scent from earlier! Almost slaloming to a stop under the shade of the wall, I shifted back, cursing up a blue streak as I nearly tore my clothes in my haste to re-dress. There was no point allowing my wolf to beat me up emotionally; I was doing a grand job of that myself. How could I have doubted I’d scented him? Ihad.What I hadn’t done was think logically. Charley was upset — visibly so. He’d been on edge before we’d come out, and now had a new pile of angst on top. And what did I know was the almost undeniable truth about what could happen to Charley when he was upset and/or anxious? He fucking disappeared! I wassostupid.
I found him in the second cottage I re-checked. Slumped in a corner, tears racking his slender frame, he barely noticed when I scooped him up and carried him quickly to the house with the blanket box and half-decent bed. Feelings of trespassing be damned right now; my mate needed this more than I could be arsed to worry about Dalziel and his weird house preservation fixation. I set Charley, still leaking a river of silent tears, on the edge of the knobbly mattress, and shook out the blankets. They were slightly musty, but thick, and by the look of them, pure wool. They’d be comforting. I spread one over the mattress, then encouraged him out of his bulky coat, rolling it up inside out to form a rough pillow. Shucking my own, I manoeuvred us into the narrow confines of the bed, and, wrapping one arm securely around Charley, I pulled the second blanket over us both.
I held him while his personal storm raged around us. His tears soaked through my sweater and the T-shirt underneath. He clung to me, shaky and weeping, until finally he sucked in a snotty breath and then exhaled an enormous sigh. “Oh fuck. I’m sorry. Crying again.” He sounded disgusted with himself.
“Idiot.” I kissed his sweaty forehead. “You don’t have to say sorry for being upset. Although,” I dug in my pocket for a scrunched but clean paper tissue, “I confess to being a bit surprised you’re this upset about Dalziel’s past. I know he’s family, but you’re even more sensitive than I realised. It really got to you, huh?”
Charley pushed up until he loomed over me like the after photo of some kind of ‘don’t do this, kids’ campaign. His eyes were bloodshot and his nose pink from the sobbing. “I’m not upset about Dalziel,” he contradicted me. “No, that’s not true. I am. But that’s not what made me lose my shit.” He gave a disgusting, rattly sniff, and his mouth twisted as if he couldn’t believe the sound he’d made. “Urgh, sorry. I’m a mess.” He sat up a bit more, and turned away to blow his nose. “Jeez, what a state I am. Can’t imagine what you see in me.”
I growled in annoyance. How did he not know I was half convinced he was the sole reason the sun still came up every morning?Maybe because you haven’t actually told him, moron.I gathered him back against me, dribbly red nose and all, and carded my fingers gently through his hair, making sure to scratch his scalp enough to produce the breathy sighs I loved hearing. “Charley, I’m batshit crazy about you. Haven’t you worked that out by now? I’m not going to say the sex isn’t off-the-charts amazing, because you’d call me out for lying, and rightly so, but I likeallof you.” I realised Charley was holding his breath, but his heartbeat had sped up.Tell him,my wolf urged. My own pulse began to gallop. I gulped in a much-needed breath and before I could stop it, blurted, “I’m in love with you.”
Time did that ridiculous stood-still-stretched-forever thing. Charley wriggled out of my grasp and stared bug-eyed at me. He was a mess, but even with a blotchy complexion and a snotty nose, I couldn’t envisage life without him. He’d damn near got himself killed running across my path, and from that second, I’d been captivated. The only surprise was it had taken me this long to tell him how I felt.Slow, too slow,chastised my wolf.Mate. Keep.I couldn’t fault the furry one; my animal instincts had evidently been way ahead of the rest of me.
Finally the suspense was too much for my fragile ego. “Say something?” I begged him. “You don’t have to reciprocate. I know it’s too soo—”
“That’s just it. It’s not. I feel the same way.” He made a sound somewhere between a cough and a hiccough. “I love you too, Luc. I just thought you couldn’t wait to see the back of me. I’m such a pain in the arse.” His smile was a timid, frail thing. “You really do love me?”
I used my thumbs to brush away the remaining tears from his pale cheeks. “I really do,” I said. “And yes, maybe you’re slightly harder work than I’d have chosen, but none of that is your fault. And I don’t regret a moment we’ve spent together.” In for a penny. “In fact, once we’ve got your alibi sorted, would you consider moving in with me?” I didn’t want to scare him, but my wolf was possessive, and it would be far simpler to rein him in if I had Charley under my roof and in my bed every night.
His gulp was loud in the quiet night. “Bloody hell, really?” I nodded. “Um, yes please. I’ll get another job so I can pay my way. I’m okay at cleaning. I can learn to cook the food you like. And I’ll never say no to sex.” He was rambling, so I hushed him with a single finger which I pressed to his bitten lips.
“Charley, take a breath. There’s no hurry to do any of that. And you’d damn well better say no to sex if you’re not in the mood. Just like I will.” I allowed a small grin to creep across my face. “Of course, we’re young and horny, so it might take a decade or two for the shine to wear off, but don’t ever think you can’t say no. Seriously.” I wondered how many guys had taken advantage of my sweet boy, and how low his self-esteem had sunk to let them. Never again.
He drew in a less shaky breath this time, seeming to understand my earnest tone. “Got it. Consent is important.” He managed an echo of his own trademark cheeky smile. “Can I save time and say yes for the next ten years now?”
