Tony stared at me, and I saw the conflict in his eyes, the love, the fear, the desperate need to believe me, battling with the trauma that had shaped him.
“I can’t,” he said finally, and his voice was barely a whisper. “I can’t do it, Simon. I’m too fucking scared.”
“Then you’re a coward,” I said, the words coming out harsher than I intended.
Tony flinched as if I’d struck him. “Don’t.”
“Why not?” I demanded, my voice rising. “It’s the truth. You’re a coward, Tony. You’re too scared to come out. Too scared to let anyone know who you really are. You put all your effort into fighting for everyone else, but you’re too scared to fight for us.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” Tony said, his voice low and dangerous.
“Don’t I?” I shot back. “You want to talk about sacrifice? Youwant to talk about control? You’ve been controlling this relationship from the start. You decide when we see each other. You decide where we go. You decide who knows about us. And the answer is always no one. The answer is always hide.”
“I’m trying to protect us,” Tony said.
“You’re trying to protect yourself,” I corrected. “And you know what? I’m tired of it. I’m tired of being your secret. I’m tired of pretending I don’t exist. I’m tired of loving someone who won’t even admit he loves me back.”
The words hung in the air between us, heavy and final.
Tony’s face went pale. “Simon—”
“I love you,” I said, and my voice broke on the words. “I love you, Tony. I’ve loved you for six years. I’ve loved you through every moment of hiding, every moment of shame, every moment of pretending. I’ve loved you even when it hurt. Even when it destroyed me. Even when I knew I shouldn’t.”
Tears were streaming down my face now, and I didn’t bother to wipe them away. “I love you,” I repeated. “And I need you to tell me if you love me back. I need you to say it. Because if you can’t... if you can’t even give me that...”
Tony stared at me, his chest heaving, his hands trembling at his sides.
“Say it,” I whispered. “Please, Tony. Just say it.”
Tony opened his mouth, and for a moment, I thought he would. I thought he’d finally give me the words I’d been desperate to hear for six years.
But then he closed his mouth again, and I saw the answer in his eyes.
He couldn’t.
He couldn’t say it.
The silence stretched between us, suffocating and final.
“Okay,” I said quietly, and I felt something inside me break. “Okay.”
I turned away from him, my vision blurring with tears.
“Simon,” Tony said, his voice desperate. “Simon, wait—”
But I couldn’t. I couldn’t stand there and look at himanymore. I couldn’t stand there and wait for words that would never come.
I walked toward the bedroom, my steps heavy, my heart shattered.
And then Tony was there, his hand on my arm, spinning me around.
“Don’t,” he said, and his voice was raw. “Don’t walk away from me.”
“Why not?” I asked, my voice breaking. “You’ve been walking away from me for years.”
“I can’t lose you,” Tony said, and there were tears in his eyes now too. “I can’t fucking lose you, Simon.”
“Then give me a reason to stay,” I urged. “Give me something, Tony. Anything.”
