“That’s nice,” I said.
“Yeah. I guess.” We pulled up to the beach, parked near the bulkhead. For a minute we listened to the screams of seagulls, the shouts of children playing in the sand.
“Can I ask you something else?” I said, as we stepped out of the car.
“Sure,” she said.
“Did you ever—your visions—see anything about Emily?”
She shook her head. “That bothered me for a while. I don’t know why I didn’t. Some people are really closed off. I could never pick up anything from her, even when I was trying to so she’d let me into the spa. Maybe even when she died she was like that. Hard to read.”
“Yeah. She was definitely”—was, how I hated that past tense—“closed off, that’s for sure. In some ways I feel like I knew her well. I mean, we worked together all the time. But obviously I had no idea she had this other life. And I didn’t know anything about her family, her childhood. Still don’t, I guess.” I could only piece together scraps of information from what I had read in the paper. That the killer seemed focused on sex workers in particular.You’re not like the others.That they were in the process of interviewing other women who worked on the streets, but it was hard getting any of them to talk to the cops. I thought, too,of the way Emily had started fiddling with that necklace more and more often in those last few weeks. Those dark circles under her eyes.
Clara sighed. “I should have told you. I saw her out once. With a man. All dressed up. Different from how she was at work. The guy was like twenty years older than her. The situation was pretty clear, you know. That’s why I used to get so mad at her when she’d kick us out.”
I didn’t know what to say. Were there clues that I had missed? I thought of my first day at work, Emily showing me all of the places to sneak a look at your cell phone, where to stash a snack. How good she was at hiding in plain sight. Would it have made a difference, if I had known? Clara must have sensed what I was thinking. “People are going to do what they’re going to do, Lily.”
“So what happened to her … you think that’s fate?”
She shook her head. “I don’t believe in fate as much now. We all make choices, and sometimes those choices bring us to places we never expect. Those women made choices to go with that man without any way to know he would make a choice to do something evil. I’m trying to choose a normal life. You chose to ignore that moron ex-boyfriend of yours, to go your own way. We never have total control, but we all do our best, right?”
“I guess so.” We walked along the shore, let the cool waves wash over our bare feet.
“I guess you’ll go back to New York now,” she said.
“Actually, no. I think I’ll stay here, at least for a little while.”
“You’re not scared?”
“I am, but I don’t have a plan to go anywhere. Not really.” A seagull swooped over our heads, and we both flinched. “What about you? You’re being safe, right?”
“The stuff with the men, that’s all over. But I am leaving. I don’t know how. I actually think Des used my cash to leave townherself. I haven’t seen her or heard from her in days. I mean, she goes MIA all the time when she’s on a bender, or when she’s met some new guy, but usually she at least comes home for a change of clothes. But I can’t wait for her. I’ve got to get out.”
We were quiet as we walked back to my car. Clara was still wearing Victoria’s purse. I didn’t think I could help Clara until we passed the bank. I pulled over on a side street and told her to wait. I couldn’t take out more than $1,000 in one withdrawal—it was half of what I’d made so far at the spa. I had never handled that much cash before, and what overwhelmed me was the scent, that tantalizing, terrible smell of grime and paper and promise. I hoped it would be enough to hold Clara—Ava—over for a little while.
I handed it to her, told her she could only use it to go.
“I can’t take this, Lily,” she said.
“For once, you’re not taking anything.” She smiled at that. “I wish I could give you more.”
“Are you sure? You might not want to get back to the city now, but maybe in a few months you’ll change your mind.”
“Doubt it. Plus … maybe this is stupid, after everything it almost cost me. But I really want to figure out the story with those paintings.”
“It’s not stupid at all.”
“Any psychic insight you can give me on those?”
“Ha. Nothing, unfortunately. I think you’ve got this one, though.” We were almost at the bus stop. Clara finally put the money in her purse.
“I hope you’re right.” I felt like there was still so much to say between us, but anything I tried to think of felt forced, melodramatic. “And hey. I never said thank you.”
“You don’t have to. I just wish I could have known more sooner. And I wish I hadn’t said that about Luis. Whenever I saw him he gave me this feeling, like I always thought he was hiding something, but he must have been in the same boat as me. Hemust have seen them somehow and wondered what to do. Oh, that reminds me.” She reached into the back pocket of her jeans and held out a tarot card.
“I don’t know if I’m ready for another reading, Clara. I’m just going to stick to the here and now, I think. I want to rent a room somewhere here, see if I can show these paintings in town. Simple. Easy.”
“Just take it, okay? It’s the Moon. It stands for the part of yourself that is yet to emerge, for mystery and illusion. The version of events you can’t see just yet. It’s a reminder to connect with your subconscious, to trust yourself.”
