But then — a shout. Ringing loud and grating down the hallway, followed by a thundering crunching sound, strong enough to rattle the floor beneath Raye’s feet. “It’s breaking!” hollered a voice that might have been William’s. “Vörður, we need you!”
Kalfr cursed under his breath, his hands spasming against Raye’s hips — and then he wrenched himself backwards, out of her, away. Releasing all the seed he’d just sprayed inside her, and Raye trembled at the feel of it bubbling out of her in erratic spurts, streaking in hot trails down her thighs.
She could feel Kalfr looking too, taking in the sight of what they’d just done, his breath heaving out hard. “Go — see Gael,” he rasped, and when Raye glanced backwards, he was yanking up his trousers, his eyes not meeting hers. “He will — tend you.”
Right. Raye’s stomach plunged, and she did her best to attempt a nod. But perhaps her face still betrayed too much, because Kalfr hesitated, and his eyes held hers for a brief, dizzying moment. “I —” he began, and shook his head, and bent down to press a furtive kiss to her hair. “I… thank you.”
With that, he spun and sprinted off, and vanished into the darkness. Leaving Raye there against the wall behind him, abandoned and untouched, but for his leavings still streaking down her thighs.
47
It took far too long for Raye to clean up and drag herself upstairs again, and out toward the training grounds. Toward Gaelfr.
It felt like a bizarre compulsion, like something she would have done even if Kalfr hadn’t told her to. As if she wanted Gaelfr, needed his reassurance, needed him to settle the rising confusion and disbelief now screaming behind her eyes.
What the hell. What in the gods’ names had she just done? She’d learned Kalfr could have children, and instead of running away from him, or calling him to task for not making that fact excessively clear to her, she’d sought him out. She’d touched him. She’d bent over for him in a corridor. She’d all but shouted at him,Yes.Yes, I’ll bear you that son. Please, give it to me, now.
And Kalfr had said it, too. He’d silently shouted back at her,Yes, bear me another son. I want that, with you. I’ve been wanting it all this time.
But — why? Why would Kalfr want that with her, especially after all the ways she’d failed? Was it more penance? More punishment? A horrible visceral way for him to hurt her, to weaken her, to lord his power over her?
Raye’s steps rushed faster as she caught sight of Gaelfr in up ahead, trading vicious punches with Othan in one of the sparring rings. And Gaelfr had already caught sight of her too, his body straightening as he turned toward her — and he ducked under Othan’s punch, and clapped him on the shoulder. “Good work, brother,” he said. “But now it is my mate’s turn.”
His mate. Despite everything, it slightly settled Raye’s racing heartbeat, and she attempted a nod toward Othan’s sweaty, genial face as he strode past. While Gaelfr beckoned her closer, his eyes shifting, his nostrils flaring. “Svein is in the garden with Eyolf and Iyolf,” he told her. “Is there aught you need,sæta?”
His tone was mild, but his nostrils flared again, his eyes flicking down to Raye’s groin. Saying, very clearly, that he knew exactly what she and Kalfr had just done. And against all reasoning, she lurched closer toward him, enough to touch her trembling hand to the solid safety of his chest.
“I… met Kalfr, in the corridor,” she said thickly. “You’re not… angry, are you?”
Gaelfr shook his head, though his brow furrowed, his mouth pursed. “Ach, no,” he said. “Myástvinurdeserves whatever pleasure he pleases, and we have both agreed to offer him this. But” — his head cocked sideways — “why do you scent thus? Did you not truly wish for this, with him?”
Raye grimaced and waved the question away — she’d wanted it, if nothing else — but Gaelfr kept watching her, waiting for her answer. And how did she begin to talk about this with him, and why did she even want to? She shouldn’t have allowed herself to trust him either, he’d been fattening her up to bear Kalfr’s son, all this time…
“Did you know,” she finally blurted out, “that Kalfr can still father children? That he could have another son, with — with me?”
Her voice came out sharp, accusing, and Gaelfr’s eyes went wary, even as he slowly nodded. “Ach, I knew this,” he said carefully. “And you did not?”
Raye bit back her groan, and her hand tightened to a fist against his chest. “No, I didn’t!” she shot back. “Kalfr didn’t tell me, and I didn’t —”
I didn’t ask, she’d meant to say, but she shut her mouth, shook her head, and shoved herself backwards, away from him. It was so ridiculous, so stupid, and why did she feel this way, when she’d ignored every possible warning? When she’d just bent over and offered it up, on purpose?
“Andyoudidn’t say, either,” she continued, her voice choked. “Gods, Gael, all your talk of feeding and fattening, and you never once let on that you were actually planning forthis! Plotting to gain yourself anotherson!”
She couldn’t at all follow that look in Gaelfr’s eyes, something like vulnerability, like longing — but then he shook his head, and came a step toward her. “No, woman,” he snapped. “My utmost aim in this was always to tend you, andhelpyou, as I have sworn to do. And ach, it is clear you and Kalfr have been wishing to make another son together, so I wished to help grant this to you. Toallof us.”
Raye gaped back at Gaelfr, at the familiar stubborn certainty in his eyes. As if — he really thought she and Kalfr wanted another son together? That they’d been wanting a son all this time?!
“B-but,” Raye protested, frantically searching his face. “Why would you think that? Where the hell did you get that? I haven’t been wanting that, Kalfr surely hasn’t been wanting that, and —”
But Gaelfr’s eyes on hers were increasingly incredulous, and he barked a low, disbelieving scoff. “I can scent you, woman,” he countered. “I can scent both of you. And also, I witnessed you together! You did not once falter, before Kalfr took you. You didnot once ask him this. And thus, I am sure he thought — as I did — that you only did not yet wish to speak of it!”
Raye’s heart skipped, her eyes briefly closing, because… no. She hadn’t asked, on either of those altars. But that was because of what Kalfr had said about the healer stoppering his seed… right?
“And when we were at the mountain,” Gaelfr continued, even more decisive than before, “the midwife offered you her help in preventing a son. And before all our clan, you refused this! You made it clear to us all that when Kalfr took you upon that altar, you would be offering him this son, also!”
What? The ground swayed beneath Raye’s feet, because — had they really all thought that? Had they all taken her refusal as… an offering? Had it really all been part of her penance, her punishment, this entire time?
Gaelfr was watching her too closely now, and his hands settled against her shoulders, holding her upright. “I thought,” he said, carefully now, “you wished for this with him. I thought you wished to grant him this gift, and this trust.”
