“So what — what did you see with Svein, then?” she asked, her voice wavering. “Does he have any — any lasting —”
Gods, she couldn’t even say it, and Rurik’s eyes softened as he glanced toward her face. “Naught that will not heal on its own,” he replied. “But you are lucky you brought him here when you did. You and his fathers will need to watch him these next moons, and make sure he has all the good food and exercise he needs.”
Right. Raye could scarcely meet his eyes, but she nodded, twisting her fingers together on her lap. While Rurik’s hands kept shifting over the fabric of her dress, holding in place for a few breaths before moving again. “Andyouhave fared far worse than your son,” he continued, gentler now. “I must impress uponyou the great risks for your own health, and your own urgent need for healing. You must keep eating, and rebuilding your strength as much as possible. You ought to have sun and fresh air and exercise each day, and eat a range of good fresh food, also. It was wise of your mates to bring gardeners and a cook here, to help you.”
Raye blinked toward him, because that wasn’t why Kalfr had brought them all here… was it? But Rurik’s eyes dropped to her abdomen, to where his hands were shifting back and forth, his long fingers spread wide. “The outdoor work and training was wise of them, also,” he told her. “And most of all, I am glad they are well aware of your need for their fresh seed, also.”
Her what? Raye blinked at Rurik again, and shook her head. “Uh, what?” she said. “Why would I need —”
Her voice stuck in her throat, and Rurik’s glance toward her was confused, even surprised. “Have they not told you of this?” he asked. “Orc-seed holds many nutrients and helpful properties, many of which we have not yet fully unearthed. Our seed is especially beneficial for humans, no matter how you ingest this. It shall rebuild your health and strength far faster than any other means you could pursue.”
Raye stared at him, while her thoughts flashed back to several days before, to that conversation she’d had with Aulis. Because yes, he’d spoken of this too, hadn’t he? How the orcs’ seed could supposedly help with scenting, and with strength and skill. And all this time, when Gaelfr had been constantly trying to feed her and fatten her… had he been thinking of that? Had he really been trying to help her? To heal her?
“And your mates’ seed will especially help,” Rurik said, as he dropped his hands from her belly, “to prepare your body for your forthcoming pregnancy.”
Wait. Raye jolted to stillness, as something sharp and curious struck through her chest. Her forthcoming pregnancy. Her forthcomingpregnancy?
“What — what do you mean?” she demanded, hoarse. “Wait, I’m not — I’m not pregnant rightnow, am I?”
Rurik shook his head, and turned back toward his basin, where he began washing his hands again. “Not yet,” he said over his shoulder. “But if you do not otherwise choose to prevent it, you soon will be. As soon as you grow strong enough to carry a child.”
What? Raye gaped at him, and suddenly it felt as though her entire body was vibrating, possessed by something she couldn’t name. “But Gaelfr and I,” she began, through her strangely dry throat. “We… we haven’t. Not like that. And Kalfr, he said he had a healer stopper his seed last year, so…”
But it felt paltry even as she spoke it, and Rurik gave her a long, disbelieving look as he strode back toward her. “Ach,last year,” he repeated, deadpan. “What bearing does this have upon now?”
The vibrations in Raye’s body wrenched harder, and her heartbeat stuttered, her swallow painful in her dry throat. While Rurik’s eyes went even more disbelieving on hers, his head shaking. “Did you not seek to confirm this, before Kalfr bedded you?” he asked. “Or” — his mouth pursed — “he did not mislead you upon this, did he?”
The questions felt like strikes across Raye’s cheeks, screeching new chaos through her flailing thoughts. Had Kalfr misled her? He’d told her and Gaelfr that a healer had stoppered his seed, so he couldn’t father a child with Sybil. And then, he’d said nothing else, and Raye…
Raye hadn’t once asked. Had she? No. She hadn’t once hesitated. She’d been the one to climb onto those altars,twice, and beg for him. And — her eyes briefly closed — it had only beenafterthe altars that Kalfr had begun to forgive her. After she’d offered him not only pleasure, and power over her, but…
“You — you’re sure?” she finally croaked, into the taut silence. “That Kalfr is — able to father children? Were you the one who originally did the — thestopperingfor him? Did you change it back? Have you examined him here already?”
Her voice was rising, coming out fast and panicked, but Rurik’s expression didn’t change. “Kalfr was not my patient then, no,” he said flatly. “And yes, I have already examined him, but it is not my place to speak of this to you. Instead, I wouldstronglyrecommendyouspeak to your own mate. At once.”
Your own mate. At once. The words were more stinging strikes across Raye’s face, blazing up heat and alarm and a sudden, devastating panic. Because even if Rurik wasn’t saying it, he still was making his point very clear, wasn’t he? As if…
“Or else,” he added, the truth cold and settled in his voice, “you may soon bear him anotherson.”
46
Raye staggered unseeing through thebyrgi’s dark tunnels, her lamp clutched in her numb hand.
Another son.You may soon bear him another son.
And the more she made herself consider it, the more she could admit that yes, the possibility of another child had whispered, somewhere in the back of her mind. She’d been dimly, quietly aware of it, but she’d perhaps purposefully kept it there, shoved deep into the darkness with all the rest of her doubts and fears.
Because that possibility raised too many other crucial issues, didn’t it? Too many other questions she couldn’t bear to face. Was she willing to have another child? Was she willing to have another child with Kalfr, when he might still hate her? Would she truly make a pregnancy — another entire livingbeing— part of her penance, her vow?
Or… had she already promised it, already given it, back at the start of all this?I’ll do whatever it takes. I swear to you.
She lurched faster down the corridor, toward where she could hear the distant sounds of voices and ringing pickaxes, while the miserable awareness churned ever higher. Because —did that mean Kalfrwantedit? He wanted another son, in trade for Raye’s sins? A son he could raise properly this time? Or even — Raye’s breath choked — a son she would hand over to him, forever?
She whipped her head back and forth, because she wouldn’t abandon her son, and Kalfr wouldn’t try to take a son away from her, would he? No. No, he wouldn’t, she could trust him that much now — and she could trust Gaelfr, too. Whatever other doubts she held about them, they’d both proven they were devoted fathers, hadn’t they? They both wanted what was best for Svein. And she could easily believe that they would both welcome and cherish another son, too.
But there was still the attack. The ten days. The threat of Kalfr sacrificing himself for this. And did that mean… Kalfr might be planning to leave this son behind, after his death? For her, or for… forGaelfr?
Raye’s vision sharply blurred, and she sank against the hard stone wall, gulping down one painful breath after another. Because… hadGaelfrknown all this, too, all this time? Had he known that Kalfr could have sons? That Kalfr could have a son withher? Because every time Kalfr had taken Raye like that, Gaelfr had only encouraged it. He’d wanted it. He’d wanted Raye fucking Kalfr. And he’d also wanted… he’d wanted to…
