Gods, she couldn’t say it, because it was too painful, too shameful, the miserable truth creeping closer with every breath. Kalfr had wanted that band, so he’d done everything he could to gain it. He’d fucked her, he’d said what he’d needed to say, but otherwise, he’d still made his position excessively clear, hadn’t he? He still didn’t care about her. He still hated her. He was still only doing this for Svein. She couldn’t trust him…
“Peace,sæta,” Gaelfr said, quiet now, as his warm hand gently caressed her cheek. “I can scent myástvinur, ach? You pleased and honoured him in this. You kept your vow toward him. And” — he took a breath — “you showed yourself brave, and loyal, and lusty, andbeautiful.”
Brave. Loyal. Lusty.Beautiful. Raye blinked at him, disbelieving, because Gaelfr couldn’t have just said all that. Gaelfr didn’t believe that. Gaelfr thought she was scrawny, and greedy, and jealous.I should never have dreamt he could find worse than you…
But he looked even more stubborn than before, and he slipped down a hand, and curved over her breast through her chemise. “We were the envy of every Bautul in this room,” he whispered. “Even Silfast could not deny your beauty in this.”
Raye’s cheeks unaccountably heated again, and though she kept searching Gaelfr’s face, she couldn’t find a trace of sarcasm or guile. But maybe he just wanted to believe it himself, so Kalfr would believe it too. Because he still only cared about saving Kalfr, right?
“And,” Gaelfr continued, still very quiet, as he plucked out a fresh cloth from his pocket, and began wiping at Raye’s hot face. “You have not forgotten what I told you upon this, ach? About how he needs the power in this? How he needs to learn this again?”
Right. Raye swallowed, and nodded against Gaelfr’s stroking cloth, because yes, if nothing else, that had been all about power, hadn’t it? About Kalfr’s power over her, his command, his humiliation, his punishment.
“Good,” Gaelfr said firmly, as he lowered the cloth back down again, wiping at her thighs, stroking at her tender crease. At where it still felt sticky and damp, but not nearly as messy as before, and Gaelfr grunted with satisfaction as he smoothed out her chemise. “Now come, and keep showing yourself a good, worthy mate for us.”
He nudged her toward where Kalfr was now on his feet beside the altar, his trousers back in place, his smile still firmly on his face. Though once Raye had accordingly joined Gaelfrbeside him, it occurred to her that Kalfr’s smile looked strained, and his glance toward her and Gaelfr might have been relieved.
“Ach, my beloved kin,” he said, and he even slid a hand to circle tentatively around Raye’s waist. “Our kind brothers have many well wishes for us, and some of them wish to know more about our new band, also.”
Right. So this was still work, then, it was still part of the show, and Gaelfr knew it, too. Clearly this was why he’d comforted Raye, and shunted her over here in the first place. And it took almost all her remaining strength to nod and smile, and to show herself a good, worthy mate, like they wanted. She’d vowed to do this, she needed to do this, for Svein.
But the conversation passed in mostly a haze, and Raye could scarcely recall any of the orcs’ names, even though she’d met several of them already today. She did vaguely note that Kalfr invited some of them to join his band, too, and though the orcs seemed pleased by this, Gaelfr occasionally looked confused, or disapproving. But he didn’t dispute any of Kalfr’s choices, and instead only kept standing close behind Raye, stroking her back. And once the orcs finally filtered away, he helped her fully dress and fix her hair again before guiding her out into the corridor. Where the haziness kept swirling, blunting everything into a weary, empty flatness. Nod, smile, speak the right words, prove it, keep her vow.
She distantly registered running into the Kesst orc again in the corridor, because he gave her a narrow look, and demanded whether she didn’t want a healer. But Raye smiled and dismissed that too, despite the ever-growing soreness between her legs, and Kalfr and Gaelfr’s sidelong glances toward her.
“I’d just like to go see Svein, actually,” she said, perhaps the first genuine statement she’d uttered since the altar. “He’ll surely be wondering where we are by now, right?”
Thankfully, no one protested, and Raye’s awareness jolted closer once they found Svein still in the schoolroom, happily playing with wooden swords with several of the other young orcs. But upon seeing Raye and Kalfr and Gaelfr at the door, his eyes lit up, and he instantly dropped the sword with a clatter, and rushed over into Raye’s arms.
“Mama!” he exclaimed, quivering as he clutched her tight. “You came back! I have so much to tell you! I had so much fun, and did so many new things!”
Raye squeezed him back, drinking up the wonderful truth of his beloved form against her, the sweet scent of his head, the messy curls escaping his braid, tickling at her cheek. “Oh, I’m so glad, love,” she croaked, and oh gods, she was not going to cry, she wasn’t. “I would love to hear everything.”
Svein happily complied, excitedly chattering away as Kalfr thanked the smiling teachers — Kesst’s bulky brother, whose name Raye couldn’t even recall, now arm in arm with a lovely brown-skinned woman. And when Gaelfr announced they needed to take their leave, Svein didn’t argue, though he did ask Kalfr when he could come back again — a question, Raye’s tired brain noticed, Kalfr didn’t answer, but instead returned with a question of his own.
Raye barely remembered how they got out of the mountain again, let alone how they ended up walking outdoors, under a rapidly darkening sky. But the air was fresh and clear, and the sky was high and wide, and they were free of Orc Mountain again. Raye had gone to Orc Mountain, and survived. She’d done what she’d come to do. She’d kept her vow, and helped to gain Kalfr that war-band. So why did she feel so tired, so empty, so defeated? Why could she scarcely look at Kalfr, without thinking of how he’d pulled away, how he hadn’t been able to stand her kiss, even after everything she’d tried to do? After all her best efforts to help him, at the cost of her own body, her own dignity?
But she forced herself to keep walking, her head down, her swimming eyes fighting to focus on following Kalfr and Svein along the narrow uneven path, while Gaelfr walked behind her. Until at some point she tripped over a root, and Gaelfr’s strong hand caught her arm, while his other arm circled around her. “You are weary,sæta,” he said, quiet. “Mayhap I could carry you, also?”
Raye’s bleary eyes blinked up, toward where at some point Svein had ended up in Kalfr’s arms, fast asleep on his shoulder. But she shook her head, though she didn’t pull her arm away. “I’m fine,” she replied. “Just tired.”
If Gaelfr noticed it was essentially the same thing he’d just told her, he didn’t comment, but instead held his hand to her arm, and began walking alongside her. Not seeming to notice the branches catching on his legs and torso, and when Raye tried to move over, to give him more room, he stubbornly held her in place. Making sure she was in the middle of the narrow path, safely away from any kind of hindrance.
“We ought to have left long ago,” he muttered to Kalfr at one point, to which Kalfr tiredly sighed and nodded, and hoisted Svein’s sleeping body higher on his shoulder. And then he said something back in the orcs’ language, along with an inscrutable glance toward Raye, and Gaelfr grunted and nodded, and noticeably slowed his steps beside her, guiding her along slower, too.
But finally, they headed back down into the long tunnel they’d left through. And after an indeterminate stretch of darkness, they climbed back up into the familiarbyrgi, and Gaelfr ushered Raye across the room, and toward the sofa by the fireplace.
Raye barely heard Kalfr murmur something about putting Svein into the back bedroom, because the sofa was so soft, and she was finally still. And once Gaelfr had done something withthe fireplace, he came back to her, settling close beside her on the sofa, his arm circling around her shoulder — and oh, she could just collapse into his warm solid bulk against her, and gulp in the familiar richness of his scent. Shove away all the exhaustion, all the mess from this endless day, all the ways she’d failed.
At some point the fire had begun crackling, its warmth pooling gentle against Raye’s skin, and she’d perhaps fallen asleep when Gaelfr shifted beside her, his head rising from where it had been resting against her hair. “Svein is asleep, then?” he murmured. “He did not wake, or ask for aught else?”
He was speaking to Kalfr, and despite Raye’s exhaustion, and the heaviness of her still-closed eyes, she was listening far too closely, waiting for Kalfr’s answer. “No, naught at all,” came his reply. “And how is she?”
She.Raye. She probably should have stirred, made herself open her eyes and proclaim her wakefulness, but she couldn’t manage it, even when Gaelfr’s hand gently squeezed at her shoulder. “She is weary, but it is not only this,” he replied flatly. “I am sure it is the bond again, also.”
The bond? If Raye hadn’t been so exhausted, she might have frowned at him, because how could the bond still be affecting her whatsoever, after what she and Kalfr had done on that altar today? But there was no answer from Kalfr, no protest, and then she was acutely aware of his slow sigh, and then the feel of his weight, sinking down beside her on the sofa.
“She granted you much today,ástin mín,” Gaelfr’s voice continued, lower. “You could have granted her that kiss she longed for, if naught else.”
